December 31, 2011

Happy New Year's Eve!

This year had ups and downs, struggles and triumphs. But through all of this, I had one constant... myself. If I have learned anything at all, it is that I can be as strong, vulnerable, responsible and happy as I want to be. I am my own worst enemy and most importantly, I am my biggest fan. There are so many dichotomies in life but there is only one truth. From the center of my being, my "soul" purpose in this life is to love as deeply as I can. All of my travels, experiences and relationships bring me back to this one and only truth. I am alway doing my very best to live within this space (including the mistakes). Every single day can be full of wonder (even the difficult ones). EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You just have to be willing to see it.

I am grateful to be spending the last day of the year exactly the way I brought in the first day... with my favorite person in the whole world. Hello 2012, what will you have to offer?

December 30, 2011

I cannot lie, I did have expectations for this year. As much as I try not to have them, they always seem to creep in to my consciousness. I don't think I can avoid them altogether but I do believe I can work with them. Expectations are there to remind me of what it is I can let go of. 

I had expectations of this being a year of wonder. What I learned about is all the different kinds of wonder there are in this world. Every moment is filled with an opportunity to learn something I did not know before. There are sad moments and happy moments, painful ones and blissful ones. This year was perfect because it was exactly the way it was supposed to be whether I liked it or not. 

December 29, 2011

Back to the real world.

As much as I do not despise my job, going back to work after a vacation is always a bit of a downer. But getting back to my normal routine does give me a sense of comfort. Sometimes, living so far away can be challenging but I am not sure I would want it any other way. I love my life in California and I love visiting my family in New Jersey. It has yet to be so challenging that I don't want to do it anymore. My vision is that it only becomes easier as time goes on. I believe this will be true.

December 28, 2011

The kind of friends that you only see once or twice a year but can pick right up as if you see each other all the time... are the absolute best. There are no ice breakers and no need for annoying, polite conversations. I think it is the definition of a true friendship, and a reminder of that place inside of us where the authenticity resides. I don't think this kind of relationship is available if you are not in touch with your truth. True friendship means not having to hide your Self. 

December 27, 2011

As children, we make mistakes all the time... it is how we learn. And when you witness a child making a mistake, do you berate them, make fun of them or tell them they are never do anything right?  I sure hope not. So, why do it to yourself when you make a mistake? 

December 26, 2011

The Christiano Christmas Day.

Seeing Luke tear through his presents and only stop to open the container of popcorn and take a few bites was all I needed to complete this holiday. I love that little guy the most!

December 25, 2011

On this Christmas day, I want to thank my Mom for creating the best Christmases ever. Perhaps we didn't do much celebrating on this particular Christmas but for the rest of my life, I will always remember Christmas as the most magically phenomenal day of the year. I hope to create that same feeling for my children one day.

Merry Christmas!

December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve... A time to remember how lucky I am to have married into the Marini family. I love them all!

December 23, 2011

Let's be honest here... as a woman, there are responsibilities that we have that men just don't have. I am not man bashing here and I am not saying that women are the greatest and we do everything. I have tried so hard in my relationship to make everything equal. But if this were really the case, I am not sure any holiday plans would be organized... at all. So, instead of forcing the issue of equality and stressing myself out beyond reason, I have learned to just figure it out and make the plans myself.

My husband doesn't really make plans, and I do. So, either I force him to do something out of character, or just organize myself efficiently and calmly. Hmmm... which one sounds better to you?

December 22, 2011

Releasing old baggage makes room for new experiences. This said baggage can be literal or figurative. Whatever it may be, if it is no longer serving you, it is simply not worth holding on to. However, I can understand that there may be an attachment to the memory, a feeling that the "baggage" defines you in some way, or a misbelief that it may one day be of use. I assure you that the freedom from these thoughts and these things far outweighs the pressure you may be putting on yourself to hold on to them.

Release that which no longer serves and make room for that which does (or perhaps make room for more things that you will in turn have to release a couple years from now... nobody said you only have to do it once)

December 21, 2011

As an adult, I have never had to deal with the death of somebody very close to me (besides my 18 year old dog... and that was difficult enough). I don't know what it feels like and I can't pretend to understand the loss. I am actually quite afraid of the day that I will have to experience it but I try not to let that cloud my thoughts.

I believe that if it gives somebody comfort to think that there is another realm, a place where their loved one's soul continues to reside, offering an opportunity to connect to a deeper source or a deeper part of Self, then so it is. Where is the harm in that? Just because somebody is no longer physically with us, it does not mean that we can no longer learn from them.

December 20, 2011

The beauty of being prepared is that you can have a Home Alone type wake-up and still make it to the airport on time with many minutes to spare. And... we didn't even forget Kevin!

Let the Christmas vacation begin.

December 19, 2011

Inhale: "I love...
Exhale: Myself"

I have found that this helps me makes choices that serve me. Do I love myself enough to do or not do this?... 

December 18, 2011

If everybody did everything exactly how I do it, chances are, I still wouldn't like what they are doing. I do believe I wrote about this many many months ago. But as I sit here and mildly judge another person's experience, I am reminded that to judge them is simply to judge myself. I am quite glad I am not in your shoes as I have no idea how they fit and whether or not I would like them... and I most certainly can't tell just by looking at them.

December 17, 2011

The last day of work before a nice long vacation... another vacation. Shit, I really do take a lot of vacations. That's a pretty awesome aspect of my life. Thank you to my parents, for teaching me (in quite a roundabout, indirect way) that work cannot and will not be my life. 

December 16, 2011

Today Marc quoted the old saying, "A man works from sun to sun... but a woman's job is never done"... and he meant it. I am not sure there is anything else to say here.

December 15, 2011

What's up with the "bah humbug" attitude towards Christmas? Yes, it has become a commercial holiday that perhaps lost it's original meaning along the way but who cares... so has everything else. To me, Christmas has always been about the possibility of magic, the idea that if you believe in miracles, they will happen. How terrible that we are forced for one month out of the year to see beautiful lights on houses, hear uplifting music and see a sparkle of hope in every child's eye. I'm thinking... how can we make every month as magical as this?

December 14, 2011

I am so grateful that the thought of going home to my family for Christmas brings me absolute joy. I couldn't think of any other place I'd like to be. 6 more sleeps!!

December 13, 2011

A friend said to me today... "You're Jamie F@&*#n' Christiano, you're a champion", and I do believe she meant it. Thank you very much... I think I have me a new motto. 

December 12, 2011

Woo Hoo! I threw a party and didn't stress out about preparing for it. Now if that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.

December 11, 2011

The secret to getting what you want, is to ask for exactly what it is you want. Spending the holiday season without my family close by is difficult. Sometimes, I feel a little bit sad. Having a husband that doesn't celebrate the season like I do can also be challenging, but how is he supposed to know that? So, I told him. I told him that I am having a difficult time and I would really like for him to be with me this weekend doing  ... (whatever it is I wanted to do). He listened, he understood and he obliged. I have no interest in waiting for him to read my mind. I have interest in being happy.

December 10, 2011

When my sisters are going through a difficult time, it is so hard for me to be far away. I want nothing more than to take away their sadness. I used to think that I wish I was going through what they were feeling because I could handle it. I have no idea if that is true, I just don't like knowing that somebody I love is feeling sad and I can't do anything about it. It is in this time that I am reminded of what it means to be compassionate. I can not project onto them what I think they are going through. I can love them and know that they have everything they need within themselves to get through this.  

December 9, 2011

Confidence. If you have to constantly tell everyone that you are confident, that is an absolute sign of insecurity. Confidence is an internal knowing, an understanding that you have with yourself. It does not involve anyone else. Confidence does not need to be spoken about, it is an energy that can be felt. There is a place inside that houses this feeling and sometimes it is hiding behind emotional walls that were built long ago. But if you even know what the word means, then you know what it feels like. Go there... to that place, to that time, when you felt the most confident... and dwell in it's silence.

Caution: please don't confuse confidence with cockiness. They are completely different.