March 28, 2011

If I choose to believe that everything... every single experience, embarrassing slip-up, beautiful sight, sad moment and unexpected encounter are all opportunities for me to learn something in this lifetime, then how could I ever be afraid of moving backwards? Its just not possible. I am not the person today, that I was yesterday. I am not even the same person I was this morning.

or maybe more like this...

March 27, 2011

I am often asked if I feel sad when I go to Tanzania and witness the extent of poverty that I see. Although there have been moments where sadness has washed over me, I wouldn't use that word to describe how I feel about their situation. It would not do anybody any good for me to feel sad for them. Could I step in, give them money and make things all better?... Maybe for that day (if that). Could I bring crayons, books and such for the kids to use? Yes, but what happens when they run out three months later? There is not a material item that I could give a person that would make their life better. What I am interested in offering is opportunity, the chance to do it for themselves.

March 26, 2011

Today, was quite a long day. Well, a long day for me. For most people, working 9:30 - 5:30 is normal. I think its just plain crazy, especially if I am actually working the whole day. But when a client of mine described my massage as "revolutionary", it made it all worth it. C'mon, that's a good one!

March 25, 2011

Here's the thing... I spent the majority of my life thinking that I was not smart or pretty. Not sure why it was those two things in particular, but there you have it. Living from that place was not fun or easy, actually it was a challenge beyond measure. What I realize now (through a significant amount of healing)is that I was living out of alignment with the truth. Of course life was challenging! I believed myself to be something that I was not. I was keeping myself small. Today, I stand tall, hold my head up and speak my mind. I am proud of myself and I know that I am worthy of being seen and worthy of being heard!

March 24, 2011

I love to travel. I'll go anywhere. No really... anywhere! One of my favorite pastimes is looking up airfares to random locations. LAX-Istanbul $800, LAX-Chicago $320, LAX-Lima $730. Maybe those prices are high, maybe they're low - I guess it all depends on what your bank account says. But I do know this... I can forego the fancy car, the new wardrobe for every season and the $10 martini (sometimes), for the absolute joy of traveling to a far off destination. I'm in the business of making things happen and not at all interested in living beyond my means. I believe that if you really want something, you can make it happen. I do!

March 23, 2011

Everybody... Every. Single. Person... comes into our lives for a reason, to teach us a lesson. And quite often, or maybe always, its a lesson about ourselves. While they are not necessarily preaching it to us through their words, it lies in the interaction, the relationship between us. Some may seem toxic, some painful, others joyous and inspirational. Just today alone, I have experienced the depth of my compassion, the insecurity beneath jealousy and the beauty of a soul friend. And all of these moments (after I get through the blatant judgments of some of them) lead me back to one thing and one thing only... LOVE! Loving myself as I am and knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Then I briefly forget, and then I come back to it again. Something special about these life lessons... they never end!

March 22, 2011

As a culture, we spend so much time concerning ourselves with what other people are doing and even more, what they are doing wrong. And i'm not playing innocent here. I wonder, is it easier to concentrate on the negative because it makes us feel like a better person and forget the aspects of ourselves that we'd like to improve upon? Wait, should I be using "I" statements here? Probably.

The truth is, there is so much good in this world and in each and every one of us. I guarantee you that you did something nice/good/kind/friendly today and so did that "person" that you generally can't stand. So, let's all take a moment to thank each other for trying to make this world a better place.

March 21, 2011

"I feel like now is the time to start taking risks", my husband says to me today. And I couldn't agree more. What can we possibly gain by being safe? What is safety anyway but an illusion?... An idea brought forth by our small selves to keep us from reaching are fullest and most amazing potential. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not down with that. Some people would already consider me a risk taker and I say, you haven't seen anything yet!


All that, stemming from the words of this outrageous man...

March 20, 2011

Here's the thing... there is no use in me trying to figure everything out on my own. Once I get to a certain point, there aren't any new ideas in my brain. It's on overload and the same ideas keep getting recycled over and over again. BUT... bring a brand new mind into the mix and voila! A fresh perspective. And I am not referring to theirs. All of a sudden my synapses are firing, the creativity is flowing, I am rejuvenated and I realize That the answer was right in front of me the whole time.

So, what have I learned here? Keep talking. Tell everyone. They will all have something different to say which will lead your mind in new directions (and apparently, right back to the very beginning)

March 19, 2011

Thai food take away, walk around the block while waiting for said food, topic of conversations: God, religion, social networking of non-profits, buying land in Tanzania, and agreement to support TAFCOM lunch program for one year. Moving to couch and falling asleep to the peaceful sounds of a Jersey Shore episode. I really do love this man I get to share my life with!

March 18, 2011

Today was the first day I worked out in over three weeks. I missed it. My body missed it. And despite the fact that I could have fallen asleep in a heartbeat if I wanted to, I got my butt up and out. Physical activity is therapeutic for me... healing, really. When I feel stuck in an emotional or mental state, movement pushes me forward. When my body is challenged, my brain is freed from the constant chatter and a new thought pattern has space to emerge. There was a time that I thought something was wrong with me because my words rarely captured my thought process and the way I was feeling. Then I realized, there are so many more ways to let that ish out!

March 17, 2011

Well, it has been confirmed... Releasing attachment and being open to new opportunities is a sure fire way to get the ball rolling. I was offered an opportunity to boost my income in the next two months. This is helpful, very helpful! And I say, thank you!

March 16, 2011

Today was my first day back at work after three weeks. Now, I love where I work and for the last couple of years I have had a small, non-invasive fear of leaving and believing that I could never find anything as good. Four days/24 hours a week, good pay, awesome people... what more can I ask for? Actually, I can ask for a lot more. I can ask for anything I want. That's the beauty of life.

It was today that I realized I am no longer attached to my job. I am open to new experiences and new opportunities. What an incredibly liberating feeling. I have no idea what is in store for me but the world has all of a sudden become so much bigger!

March 15, 2011

Just dance... it will be OK! Oh, Gaga... how wise you are.

Dancing is quite possibly one of the best forms of therapy ever to exist. A person cannot dance and be sad... its virtually impossible. So, turn the music up and let loose. By yourself, with a friend or for somebody else ;) I promise, you will not regret it!!

This message comes to you from the girl who spent the morning doing laundry, playing name that tune with friends online, all the while, aerobidancing (a technique I created) while the husband sat there reading as if I were the most normal person on earth.

March 14, 2011

What a strange feeling to take off from one area of the world and a short time later, land in a completely, outrageously different piece of the world. Electricity and water that are always working, roads that are paved (and repaved if there is a slight crack), pedestrian right of way, and education...mandatory education. Would you consider these luxuries?... I am sure you would not.

This is quite a life we have set up here and I am grateful to have been chosen to live here (or maybe I chose it). Today, I recognize the beauty of simplicity and ALL of the tiny luxuries I am privileged to have.

March 13, 2011

Where has the time gone? I am leaving already. The end is always so bittersweet. I don’t want to leave but at the same time, I CANNOT wait to see Marc and give him the biggest hug in the world. I still feel like there is some unfinished business here, last minute things to say and to do. I did exactly what I came here for and there is an excitement in me that I admit, sometimes gets lost in nervousness. I have no idea when I will return again but I know this is not the last goodbye.

March 12, 2011

Have you ever met someone with a heart so big, you’re not sure how they contain it in their body? My friend Nie is truly an inspiration. She is one of the founders of TAFCOM and wants nothing more than for everyone to have an opportunity in this world for something better. And who doesn’t want that, right? The difference is, she acts on it. TAFCOM assists over 50 families dealing with the effects of HIV, 40+ children in daycare, and 10 tailors in training. And without steady donations coming in, Nie and her husband Jonas, often use their own money to support their clientele base. Her strength of heart and selfless nature are what encouraged me to take this path. My job is easy… get some money moving in that direction. I believe that together, we have the resources to initiate big changes.

So, I didn't take this photo but I did initiate it and it was with my camera... that's counts!

March 11, 2011

My near hour and a half commute from my home base to the TAFCOM Center has come to an end. Today was my final day into Pasua… for at least a while. I will miss the friendly smiles, the long drawn out stares and the children continuously yelling “Mzungu, Mzungu!!” until we turn to them and wave. It was a trek in the sun that left me dead tired by the end of the day but the time I spent at the center has filled my heart with so much love. The tailoring group has made beautiful creations, the center is near full completion and the children are just downright adorable. This part of the journey has come to an end and now it is time for me to start the next phase.

Goodbye dirty feet... at least for a while!

March 10, 2011

Today we visited three families that TAFCOM works with. All were single women struggling to support themselves and their families while dealing with the effects of being HIV positive. Their living conditions exemplify the definition of poverty. Walls made from mud bricks, a tin roof that I can’t imagine does much to protect in the rainy season and a floor that resembles the unpaved roads in town. I have seen this before on past home visits, but it does not make it any easier. I could choose to feel sorry for these women and be sad about their living situation but what benefit does pity have? These women are all capable of doing more and they want to do more for themselves and their children. Empowerment, encouragement and education... now think of the benefit those could have on a person’s life.

March 8, 2011

Guilt. It’s an interesting thing that happens to me when I feel like I have made somebody else frustrated or cannot make another person happy. Yes, logically I know that I am not responsible for another person’s reaction but still the guilt washes over me like the hot African sun (ya like that one?) It “usually” is not my intention to make another person uncomfortable or irritated but the truth is, we as human beings, trigger other human beings. It just cannot be avoided. We are on this journey to learn and grow and here is my opportunity. I have embarked on a journey to start a business, a social business and it is an entirely new world for me. Every day, I learn something new and as I learn, my knowledge base changes and so the things I share with others also changes. These are all just opportunities for growth. What would life be without them?

March 8, 2011

So I was strolling through the Maasai Market in Arusha today when I happened upon a young gent (let's say he was mid 30's). He was frantically walking through the aisles and stalls searching for something. Now let me tell you, this market can be outrageously overwhelming. With each step you take there are four people trying to sell you something for a significantly higher price than what it is worth. But... this is what they do. They expect the bargaining. It is how the process works and I'm sure it has been this way for a very long time. This man wanted it to be be different. Demanding final prices, declaring he doesn't have any time, becoming angry at their practices. Guess what he left with? Nothing! Sir, why not just give it a try... throw out the price you want to pay and see what happens. Why fight against the flow? And why get mad at the flow and the other people in it?

Just remain calm and ask for what it is you are looking for.

March 7, 2011

It can be interesting to be a part of/witness to somebody else's process. I find that it can sometimes be a challenge to separate my experience from theirs. I am aware that I many be a part of their process and reminded that it doesn't in fact have anything to do with me. Yes, I can take responsibility for my actions and my role but I do not have to take responsibility for theirs.

Hmmmm... I guess that Masters Degree was pretty useful.

March 6, 2011

Lake Chala-ahhhh! Amazing! It was only 24 hours (a 24 hours that I am very proud of) and I had a fabulous time with two great friends that I don't get to see very often. I am reminded of how important it is to me to spend quality time with the people I enjoy most in this world. "Quality" being the operative word. No phones, no computers, no music (besides the constant array of songs in my head), no television.

I was filled with gratitude today.

March 5, 2011

Guess who went camping today? That's right, the girl who said that camping wasn't her thing. I'll have you know that this message is coming to you straight from the tent. Well, perhaps a few days later but you get the point. Stepping out of my comfort zone,ladies and gentlemen. And liking it! Spontaneous camping trips... Could this be one of my new things? I'll let you know after our trek down to Lake Chala tomorrow.

PS. Is it possible for me to see the Milky Way from here. It was quite possibly the most amazing night sky I have ever seen in my entire life.

March 4, 2011

I love it here. It’s hot, dusty, I don’t understand the language and when I blow my nose at the end of the day… it’s black. Wait, were those negative things. I can’t decipher anymore. I got home to find that the water was back on but the electricity was still off. YES! Wait, was that a good thing or a bad thing? It was pouring outside and I feared for my life for a hot second and I’m just about to jump into a cold shower. But before I do, let me take a break and go over this brochure for the piece of land that I want to buy here!!!

March 3, 2011

A couple of us took a stroll and visited Rachel at her chapatti stand. Rachel was given a loan one year ago to start a small business. Today, she is still doing well and hoping to expand. She is working under a makeshift roof but hopes to move her business to a small hut just a couple hundred feet away. What is stopping her?... the $42/month rent. That’s actually quite expensive here but I’m in the business of making things happen… somehow, some way.

Her smile absolutely says it all, don’t you agree?

March 2, 2011

If you asked me if I was a planner, I would say, yes. If you asked Holly if I was a planner she would give you and adamant, NO. I suppose I just plan things enough to get me to the next step. For me, not every part of my day needs to be mapped out with great detail. I think that will just set me up for disappointment. Things are bound to take a different turn. I have a general idea of what needs to get done and to be quite honest with you, although I can get overwhelmed at times with the to-do’s of everyday life, I seem to be doing quite well. Does planning the details of everything set me up for success? Maybe. But I choose to believe that I am on a path of success… learning opportunities (mistakes, some may call them) and all.

March 1, 2011

An omelette made with french fries! Could life be any more delicious? Here it is called chips mayai and I do believe it is worth every penny of the airfare and every minute of a 27 hour flight. My friend Teddy knows how much I love it and she made it for me when I visited her home. Healthy, you ask? Ummmm... not so much. And why I think this cannot be made on American soil, I don't know. It is a treat and a half!

February 28, 2011

I’m really excited about what is happening. The tailoring women are creating beautiful items and their creativity is peaking. I occasionally have the feeling of “what am I doing?… I have no idea how to do this”. But something kept me moving forward and got me to this point. I trust in that something. I take small steps forward and choose to trust that I will be supported along the way.