December 19, 2011

Inhale: "I love...
Exhale: Myself"

I have found that this helps me makes choices that serve me. Do I love myself enough to do or not do this?... 

December 18, 2011

If everybody did everything exactly how I do it, chances are, I still wouldn't like what they are doing. I do believe I wrote about this many many months ago. But as I sit here and mildly judge another person's experience, I am reminded that to judge them is simply to judge myself. I am quite glad I am not in your shoes as I have no idea how they fit and whether or not I would like them... and I most certainly can't tell just by looking at them.

December 17, 2011

The last day of work before a nice long vacation... another vacation. Shit, I really do take a lot of vacations. That's a pretty awesome aspect of my life. Thank you to my parents, for teaching me (in quite a roundabout, indirect way) that work cannot and will not be my life. 

December 16, 2011

Today Marc quoted the old saying, "A man works from sun to sun... but a woman's job is never done"... and he meant it. I am not sure there is anything else to say here.

December 15, 2011

What's up with the "bah humbug" attitude towards Christmas? Yes, it has become a commercial holiday that perhaps lost it's original meaning along the way but who cares... so has everything else. To me, Christmas has always been about the possibility of magic, the idea that if you believe in miracles, they will happen. How terrible that we are forced for one month out of the year to see beautiful lights on houses, hear uplifting music and see a sparkle of hope in every child's eye. I'm thinking... how can we make every month as magical as this?

December 14, 2011

I am so grateful that the thought of going home to my family for Christmas brings me absolute joy. I couldn't think of any other place I'd like to be. 6 more sleeps!!

December 13, 2011

A friend said to me today... "You're Jamie F@&*#n' Christiano, you're a champion", and I do believe she meant it. Thank you very much... I think I have me a new motto. 

December 12, 2011

Woo Hoo! I threw a party and didn't stress out about preparing for it. Now if that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.

December 11, 2011

The secret to getting what you want, is to ask for exactly what it is you want. Spending the holiday season without my family close by is difficult. Sometimes, I feel a little bit sad. Having a husband that doesn't celebrate the season like I do can also be challenging, but how is he supposed to know that? So, I told him. I told him that I am having a difficult time and I would really like for him to be with me this weekend doing  ... (whatever it is I wanted to do). He listened, he understood and he obliged. I have no interest in waiting for him to read my mind. I have interest in being happy.

December 10, 2011

When my sisters are going through a difficult time, it is so hard for me to be far away. I want nothing more than to take away their sadness. I used to think that I wish I was going through what they were feeling because I could handle it. I have no idea if that is true, I just don't like knowing that somebody I love is feeling sad and I can't do anything about it. It is in this time that I am reminded of what it means to be compassionate. I can not project onto them what I think they are going through. I can love them and know that they have everything they need within themselves to get through this.  

December 9, 2011

Confidence. If you have to constantly tell everyone that you are confident, that is an absolute sign of insecurity. Confidence is an internal knowing, an understanding that you have with yourself. It does not involve anyone else. Confidence does not need to be spoken about, it is an energy that can be felt. There is a place inside that houses this feeling and sometimes it is hiding behind emotional walls that were built long ago. But if you even know what the word means, then you know what it feels like. Go there... to that place, to that time, when you felt the most confident... and dwell in it's silence.

Caution: please don't confuse confidence with cockiness. They are completely different. 

December 8, 2011

Today is a reminder of how precious life is and how easily it can be taken away. I always disliked when people said that you should live every day as if it is your last... I don't believe that is reasonable or feasible. But I do believe you should "love" every day as if it is your last. And I don't mean to love the day, I mean spend time loving something, someone, yourself. I never want to say I didn't love enough. 

December 7, 2011

A note to myself and to others: Advice is something best given only when asked for. 

December 6, 2011

How is it possible that I can go through the whole day feeling absolutely fine, then I take a shower and go to do my hair (yes, the hair that has not been fixed yet and is still a horrendous color) and I am immediately angry. My hair is ugly... straight ugly. But this cannot be the reason why I am frustrated, right? Let's explore...

It's not what I want and it is virtually out of my control right now to fix anything about this crap hair color. I can't even blow dry it because there is so much static in the air that it continues to stick to my face. The more I try to fix it, the absolute worse it becomes. SHIT! That's it... the more I try to fix it, the absolute worse it becomes.

Perhaps I keep trying to fix the unfixable... things that don't require a fixing at all, just a little attention and a lot of love. Yes, I am referring to pieces of myself. 

December 5, 2011

I mean really, can anybody get a bad hairdo and just be like "oh well, it will grow out"... No. It takes time to get there. First, you gotta get mad or sad or annoyed about it. There is a progression. Acceptance comes after these things. It just has to be that way. Acceptance wouldn't be what it is if it didn't have a counterpart. 

December 4, 2011

Sometimes I find myself in a situation where I don't really prefer the people that I am with but I stay in their presence anyway. It's usually because it would be rude to leave for some reason or another. So, I choose to stay. However, I don't feel the need to engage in conversation because it is for certain, I do not prefer their company. There is something particularly satisfying about this. I no longer feel the need to be friendly or spark up a conversation just to fit in or make the situation comfortable. I am perfectly comfortable in my decision to sit in your presence and not pretend to care about the topics discussed. Yes, I like this part about getting older and being more confident with myself. 

December 3, 2011

worked til 2
Shopping at old navy
laundry
watching a movie
loving husband
surrendering your control

I like finding the blogs that I started but forgot to finish and then posting my notes on that day. 

December 2, 2011

I hate to break it to you, but on a day when things seem like they are going all wrong. and then you become enraged about it, the crappy things are just going to keep happening. This is quite possibly one of the more annoying universal laws out there. You may not be in control of what is actually happening to you but you are in control of how you are responding to it. Becoming livid is one way of coping but it begs the question… what are you actually livid about? Because having a dead battery is hardly the issue.

December 1, 2011

“Therapists are a dime a dozen.” This was a statement made about myself and the other girls that I work with. It is this precise statement that creates an incredibly low morale at the workplace.  And just because nobody knows it was said does not mean it isn’t felt. Luckily, the person that said it means absolutely nothing to me but unfortunately, this statement is a reflection of what exists in the managerial world. It upsets me to think that anyone would think this about their employees and then wonder why productivity and attitudes are low. Have you ever felt empowered by your coach booing you from the sidelines? (I hope not or that analogy is moot).  Everyone is so focused on making money, they are forgetting about the people who make the money for them. Well...I guess it's up to me to start the shift.  

November 30, 2011

Ugh… I thought about it and knew that it wasn’t a good idea but I still sent the passive aggressive, guilt trip text anyway. What was I testing?... How much I could get away with. Well, guess what? I did not get away with it and still had to apologize.  I was acting out because I had a frustrating day and it I ended up making myself look ridiculous. I know for a fact that this is not a rare occurrence in many households.  At the same time, it can be very hard to avoid. I cannot say that it will never happen again (that would just be a blatant lie), but I can say that I will continue to do my best to change my approach.

November 29, 2011

Your stuff, your material possessions are absolutely not a reflection of your Self or your life. They are simply a collection of things that remind you of who you think you are. To purge of these items regularly, is to release these false beliefs, and move deeper into who you truly are. 

November 28, 2011

A day that ends in getting a massage is just my kind of day. Please and thank you!

November 27, 2011

Aceeptance, of things that go as planned, things that do not and things that were never planned for in the first place. For the remainder of life, these are the situations that I will be presented with. Acceptance of this fact allows for a more peaceful transition. I didn't say completely peaceful but more peaceful than perhaps trying to constantly fight it.

November 26, 2011

I stand by the message but I recognize that my delivery of that message was perhaps a little over the top. People will only respond to the energy that I am giving. So, I can't be surprised when somebody gets defensive as I am accusingly sharing information with them. Only yet another reminder that the energy my message rides on is often more important that the message itself. 

November 25, 2011

Amazing to be able to talk to somebody around the world. what a small world this truly has become. To complain about all that is going wrong seems silly when the tools to make things better are at our fingertips... literally. Never fall prey to the "I am only one person" mentality because it only takes one person to start a movement. In fact, it has to start with one person.

November 24, 2011

Although I did not get to spend Thanksgiving with my "birth family" (as my sister refers to it), I am still so incredibly grateful for the amazing people that I get to call my family. My deepest learnings came from my relationship to each and every one of them and for that, I am thankful.

November 23, 2011

My joy is spilling over today. I have no idea why. Today is as ordinary as any other day. Or is it? I guess I'll never know, and I really don't think it matters. Just go with it.

November 22, 2011

Cirque du Soleil is precisely what is needed to make one believe that anything is possible. There is absolute magic in human performance. We always have the ability to do something magical... whether you can twist  yourself into a crazy shape, swing from a trapeze, or share a dollar with somebody who needs it.  

November 21, 2011

Hanging out with friends is a great way to make doing nothing feel like doing something. 

November 20, 2011

Earlier this year, I swore I would never go back to the San Diego zoo.

Today, I went back.

Lesson: Stop swearing that I will never do something again. That's a surefire way to actually do it again.

November 19, 2011

Shhhh... sometimes I don't want to learn anything and I just want to talk about people... and laugh. It's fun and you know it!

November 18, 2011

Watching my behavior as if I was an outside observer can be quite an interesting task. As I feel myself being attacked, or feeling as if I am being attacked, I can then see myself needing to make other people feel attacked. I was feeling like a bad wife (based on irrelevant comments that were being made) so I then decided to put Marc down in the most ridiculous of ways (ie. "you don't even know how to clean the stovetop anyway"... I know, it's harsh). Could it be true? Misery really does love company? Ugh, why would you want somebody to feel as miserable as you feel in that moment in time? It does not make the situation any better, in fact, it makes it worse. 

The enlightening part of it all is that I can feel myself doing it. And although, I may sometimes have a hard time stopping it, I do not have a hard time apologizing about it. 

Luckily, he often has no idea what I am even apologizing about.

November 17, 2011

My ability to sense other people's challenges in letting go, that is, the physical letting go of emotional manifestations is only a reminder for me to let go. As many times as I cross a client that cannot relax their body, I can choose to relax mine even more. Why work harder to release their tension when I can just release mine instead? Who's to say that isn't just as good?

November 16, 2011

Confrontations are usually pretty awkward and for some reason, I seem to be having to do them more than ever before. I've avoided them in the past because I was terrified of hurting somebody's feelings. But if I am approaching the situation in a calm way and conveying my message as clear and supportive manner, then the choice to have one's feelings hurt is their responsibility. This understanding really does make the discussion much easier... at least on my behalf.

November 15, 2011

I had an amazing chance today to see how much love I have in my life... to give and receive.

During yoga, we were asked to imagine somebody that presents a challenge for us, somebody that often triggers us to protect our hearts. I was so grateful to not be able to think of anyone. As many issues as I have had with some peeps in the past, on this day, I feel completely free.

November 14, 2011

If doing something new wasn't slightly scary then it's probably not challenging enough. Being "scared" (I'll call it) is a side effect of stepping out of your comfort zone. And stepping out of one's comfort zone is a side effect of living a fulfilling life. 

November 13, 2011

Take one day, and with every person you come in contact with, think to yourself... "what can I learn from this person?" or "what is this person teaching me about myself?"

Perspective, the ability to see different perspectives, is an incredibly valuable tool to have.

November 12, 2011

It's funny how apologizing can be an incredibly difficult task for some people. Admitting you are wrong or even admitting that something you said could have been hurtful, whether intentional or not, can be a challenge. It is my opinion that the feeling of relief and release from having apologized is so much better than the feeling of holding on to pride. Apologize and simply let it go.

November 11, 2011

Today I learned what it means to relinquish control and allow Marc to play a role that I am used to playing. He planned a last minute BBQ and I had absolutely no part in preparing or shopping for it. It was extremely uncomfortable and nervous that his actions would make me look bad. And then I realized how absolutely ridiculous that thought was.  My struggle with perfectionism had an opportunity to show up again. I consciously chose to let go of responsibility and trusted that Marc would ask me for help if he needed it. Surprise, surprise... everything worked out!

November 10, 2011

One of the greatest feelings is not having seen my...

I seemed to have skipped this post on this day. I came back to it and this is all I had written. I have absolutely no recollection of where I was going with this thought. But now, I am highly intrigued.  So, I'll just fill in the blank.

One of the greatest feelings is not having seen my husband for a long time and then hearing him walk in the front door!

November 9, 2011

The older I get the more I realize that age has absolutely nothing to do with wisdom or intelligence. A 25 year old that chooses to learn from life's experiences can be even more wise than an 85 year old that played victim all of life's experiences. 

November 8, 2011

I had an amazing experience with horses today, learning how to behave like them and establish my leadership among them. I had no idea that this exercise was going to reflect back to me own issues with establishing myself as a leader. Afraid of being seen as mean, concerned that I was doing it wrong and wouldn't be understood. As these feelings came up, I simply felt them, listened to them and let them go. I was told that if my intentions were clear and my energy directed positively towards the horses, then they will follow my direction. How is that any different than when I take this out of the horse arena? Absolutely not different at all!

November 7, 2011

I have an ability to figure out what it is that I want and then taking the steps to make it happen. Traditionally, I believe people look first and then figuring out what they want from the options they have found. To me, that's a sure fire way to be unhappy. And you can't fool me, everyone knows what they want. It's the fear of change or the fear of failing or any other fear you can think of that holds you back... not because you can't think of what you want.

"If you could do anything you wanted without the possibility of failing, what would you do?"

November 6, 2011

When somebody cancels last minute, I get upset and frustrated because I consider it to be rude. Usually they are canceling because either something came up or they just don't want to do what it is that's happening. And then it happens... I'm the one that wants to cancel but I can't do it because I don't want to be rude. So, I go along with the plans. But now it's clear, the only reason I get mad when somebody else does it is because I want to do it myself but don't. Well, it's high time I start canceling plans! OK, within reason, of course. I've spent a lot of money and time doing things I don't want to do because I feel bad saying no. I do not believe I need to endure anything I don't enjoy just to appease others. Oh wait, that's the reason I stopped going to church. Hmmm, maybe I have been doing this all along.    

November 5, 2011

I spent a bit of time today looking up pictures and videos of toys, commercials and tv shows from my childhood. I got just as excited as I am sure I did when I was a little girl. Tapping into that part of me, spending a little time with that little girl who is always there, always with me is so much fun. The thrill of finding a picture of my favorite barbie doll, the way a theme song comes back to me as if it hasn't been 25 years since I heard it and even the disappointment I feel when watching the commercial for the Power Wheels that I never got. It helps me tap into an innocence that I sometimes forget about. A child's mind has a simple approach to life. It's a refreshing place to be.

November 4, 2011

The source of the problem is often not where the pain is felt. Emotions are just as interconnected as muscles, tendons and bones. This is precisely why pain persists both physically and emotionally... until we find the source, pay attention to it and heal it.

November 3, 2011

Something happened today, or didn't happen. I had absolutely nothing to do. And I wasn't even avoiding anything. I simply had no pressing matters to get to or ignore. Is this what I have been waiting for? Is this the point of always doing? The answer is no, absolutely not. It doesn't change anything because what I learned is that I like having something to do and when there is nothing, I make something up. This doesn't take away from my ability to "be", it reminds me that there is plenty of time for both.

November 2, 2011

Today, I bought lunch for a man asking for spare change. I told him I didn't have any cash... I lied. I'd rather buy him a $5 meal than give him a $1 cash, and I am sure it's because I don't trust what he would spend it on. Quite frankly, that's the same reason why I am so picky about what charity I donate my money to, and I don't think I am the only one. I also don't think that I am right for doing this... or wrong. I judged, yes but the better part of me, the giving part still won. We all have both of these aspects but which one will you allow to guide you?

November 1, 2011

As far as I am concerned, November 1st is the official start of the Christmas season. The decorations are being put up in the bay and my carol singing has begun (in the quiet of my own home, of course). I absolutely love this time of year. There is more than just commercialism in the air... you just have to quiet down and feel it.

October 31, 2011

Being on the other side of a yoga class is proving to have a very interesting view. I am learning to not attach emotions or thoughts to various expressions I see in front of me. What I see on their faces is not a representation of what's going on inside of them. And as I learn that the importance of taking yoga off the mat is not only a lesson for the students.

October 30, 2011

AHHHHH!! this is too much work for one week. Money means nothing if this is how I feel. Wait... it seems as though most people feel this way after a full week of work, no? Now, I may only have worked 25 hours but it is a very physically taxing 25 hours. And, I am not willing to continue this cycle... I am working to change it. I am not alive simply to feel miserable at work. I am alive to take advantage of all the opportunities. Don't be miserable at work!!! Do something about it. 

October 29, 2011

Completing incomplete cycles of action. So many tasks are halfway accomplished and for some reason finishing them seems so difficult or too time consuming. But truly, the most time consuming part is how much time I spend thinking about it. I need a little more space in my brain for more important thoughts or maybe, less thoughts. So, here's to finally finishing what we started! 

October 28, 2011

There are times when I get mad at people (maybe one person in particular) for absolutely no reason at all. It just feels good to be mad at somebody as opposed to taking responsibility for what is bothering me. I am in no way condoning this behavior and usually (hopefully) that person doesn't even know what's happening. Self awareness usually kicks in before my irrationality is revealed. What I am saying is that as I rant to myself in the car (or to an outside party) about how mad I am, the truth often comes to the surface... and my next move becomes clear. 

October 27, 2011

I truly believe that anything you want is out there waiting for you. ANYTHING. Let go of the belief that it's too hard, it takes too long or it costs too much. If that's you're belief, well then yes, it will be all of those things, but it doesn't have to. There may come moments of stagnation and sometimes you just have to ride them out. They pass. I know they pass because I've experienced it. Take advantage of the moments of passion and relax in the down time. We can't always be "doing".

October 26, 2011

I love this time of year. It makes 8pm bakery runs seem highly acceptable. When it's dark and cold outside, cookies are a great way to really make it an authentic fall evening. Pushing it? Maybe. I love me some rainbow cookies and when the husband agrees to go with me...it's a go!

October 25, 2011

Sometimes I take pictures like this (my view from the coffee shop) and send them to my sisters... mostly because I am being mean to them while they suffer through colder weather. But really, this is my reminder of how awesome this life can be and how lucky I am. I know I created my situation and I continue to do so every day but it's helpful to have something as fabulous as this to bring me to that place. And I don't believe you have to live next to the ocean to be in this place of gratitude. Beauty is absolutely, positively all around you! Open your eyes!

I just realized that my intention during yoga was to "be open" and then I wrote this... Oh, I like how that works!

October 24, 2011

As it turns out, I absolutely love teaching yoga... and I'm pretty good at it! Who knew? It is all coming together very nicely. 

October 23, 2011

I sit here wondering what I am going to write about today and concerned that I may repeat something that I have already discussed. And then I realize how absolutely ridiculous that concern is. So, I can conclude today that I was concerned about what I am going to write in this moment, in addition to how I can help pay for a surgery for somebody I hardly know, in addition to how can I continue working such a physically taxing job when I do become pregnant. I have given these thoughts equal amount of time and the conclusion that I have come to is this... Thinking about these things is useless. Either do something about it or stop allowing it to take up space in my mind. Worrying about anything has never ever gotten anything done but making a move has. So, I have come up with something to write (as I always do), I am looking into finding out how much surgery costs, and I trust that the work that I do will provide for me substantially  (as it always has). 

October 22, 2011

Constantly hoping that something works out for you seems, to me at least, to take away from all of the things that are already working out for you. I encourage you to step away from what it is that you are constantly searching for so that you can see that it already exists. And I absolutely promise you, it already exists! 

October 21, 2011

I made a decision to not rush today. There is absolutely no reason, in an average day, to rush anywhere or to get anything done... unless of course I want to be unnecessarily stressed out. Think of how ridiculous that driver looks when they are swerving in and out of traffic, cutting in front of everyone, only to meet you at the stop light at the exact same time. Well... when in a rush, we look just as ridiculous. Taking one's time is underrated. I'm bringin' it back!

October 20, 2011

1. Taught my very first 90 minute yoga class.
2. Greatest husband ever.

October 19, 2011

I will state it here and I exclaim it with enthusiasm and excitement... I am ready for a baby!!

October 18, 2011

ELATION!!!

When the feeling arises, I cannot question it... I am just going to ride it! There comes a moment when my brain stops thinking and my truth comes out. And my truth is the greatest part of me. It's the greatest part of everyone. Sometimes my mind is too loud for me to hear the truth. And when I find the silence, I find myself... again... and again... and again.

Oh wait, I meditated this morning for the first time in a while... uh huh, it's all coming together now.

October 17, 2011

Today I was told, by a doctor, that when I do become pregnant, I will be considered a high risk pregnancy. In the past, this would have scared me. But what I have learned through my many visits to the doctor in the last couple of years is... I know myself and my body better than anybody. They have suggestions and advice and I will take their words into consideration when determining my next step. But to worry about my health will only guarantee one thing... poor health. I know that I can't predict what may happen but I can choose my thoughts in the moment. And I do believe that is the first step to health.

October 16, 2011

Today did not go according to plan... Even the plans did not go according to plan. But in the end, it was exactly what should have happened. If I thought I had something to worry about, it all went away when I looked at the little, tiny face of Hudson Williams. He came earlier than planned and each day Mommy and Daddy learn how their day can take an unexpected turn. He is a fighter and at two months old, an amazing teacher.

October 15, 2011

Reading magazines is a sure fire way to make somebody feel like their life is not good enough. Today, I read that you can fire up your morning romance by mixing sugar and honey together, then applying it to your partners lips with the fleshy side of a halved grape... as a clever way to exfoliate and hydrate your lips, of course. Don't get me wrong, I will probably be scrubbing my whole body with sugar and honey tomorrow morning... alone. I am not sure that sloughing off my dead skin is an activity I need Marc to be a part of.

I believe that romance is highly subjective and changes as the relationship grows. I used to have an idealized view of what it was and often felt let down because my outrageous expectations were never met (how could Marc not know to secretly take dance classes so that he could pull me up on to the dance floor and whisk me away?). Romance is so much more than that... and so much simpler at the same time. It's in a look, or a word and one of my favorites... a random hug. 

October 14, 2011

I woke up early this morning to this view. I took this as an opportunity to sit on my balcony, sip some tea and slow things down a little bit (by "things" I am referring to my thoughts). I LOVE the early morning. There is a silence and stillness in the air that does not exist any other time of day. It is a great way to manifest the silence and stillness that I desire internally.

October 13, 2011

Today, my words are not with me. I will go to bed reminding myself of all that I have to be grateful for. 

October 12, 2011

What is a prayer but a simple intention for something to work out for the greatest good. For somebody to say that they don't believe in it, is just downright craziness. If you have ever wished or hoped for anything for yourself or anyone else... you have prayed. There can never be anything wrong with that. 

October 11, 2011

How did I get here? Right here in this very moment? Every single day of my life has been leading up to this moment. What a strange concept. Every day generally seems very similar to the day before but when I think about what I was doing and who I was five years ago, the difference is  quite drastic. It's amazing, really. Every single moment something new is happening. It can't be any other way. Now putting it that way can make for a very intriguing day!

October 10, 2011

I made the statement today that I am feeling lazy but when I look back at my day, I was anything but lazy. So where did this statement come from? I did just about everything I set out to do today. Perhaps its because I was feeling tired and didn't necessarily want to be doing what I was doing. Or was it that I was just being too hard on myself? Whatever it is, here is something that many be interesting to look at. When I think of something that I am not doing, then call myself lazy for not doing it... Do I really want to do it in the first place or is it my fear stepping in to protect me from failing? I am not lazy and to be honest, I am not sure anybody is. That word is now forbidden in my vocabulary.

October 9, 2011

I only have this one life...

I will make it the best one!

Whatever I want to do,  I will DO IT!

The excuses are misbeliefs. The fears are a figment of my imagination that will only come true if I allow them to. 

October 8, 2011

I love when the seasons change! I feel this instinctual need to clear out the old to make room for the new. It's a fresh start for... anything at all to happen. I can feel that these last three months of the year are going to unfold in an amazing way. Disappointment is not in my realm of possibility... creation is (wait, did I just say that?).

October 7, 2011

Isn't fundraising interesting? We raise all this money to help a cause that we care about and we hope that it will be a significant part of the solution. It helps, yes, but rarely does it solve anything. If there is an endless amount of money in this world, and I do believe there is, then why are there any problems at all. Because money cannot solve everything. We need something different, something that is available to all of us but that most of the world has not tapped into yet. If you have to ask what that is... good. That's the point.

October 6, 2011

Sometimes the greatest opportunity I can find in a day is to rest. It's not always an easy thing to do but it's the absolute best I can do in the moment. 

October 5, 2011

Today I was asked to apprentice at my favorite yoga studio. Yes, yes... it is all coming together. Fabulous opportunities abound!

October 4, 2011

From now on, when I see those poor souls running through the airport at top speed I will never say... "why would you ever have to do that?" Marc and I were officially those poor souls and we successfully missed the plane. We got angry, made mean comments about US customs,  then... we got bagels. I'm really enjoying this whole expressing anger in the moment thing. It doesn't solve anything, but it sure feels good.

October 3, 2011

7 hour bus ride successfully avoided by taking a 45 minute plane ride. Once again, living life the way I want (an most certainly... the way Marc wants).

October 2, 2011

In observing other people, other cultures and other lands, I come to know myself on a deeper level. I realize, this is a choice. I meet so many people that are resistant to their surroundings and judge their culture and their beliefs as better. In saying this, I have to wonder, how much do you even know about your culture? It goes so far back, before you were born, before your parents were born. We are who we are because of a long line of beliefs, situations and even cultures that preceded us and that are completely different than what we are used to today. Embrace the differences, embrace yourself. 

October 1, 2011

I have officially had the absolute best day of this entire trip. Llaca Lake, baby! Clean air, beaming sun, crystal blue water and time spent with Marc and Erica. My brain almost can't handle what my eyes are seeing. The history of the world sits right before me, baffles me and reminds me of how little I know... and I love that! I feel challenged by it!

September 30, 2011

Currently in my fourth city visit in Peru and I have already decided that this is my favorite one. I am not sure if it's because there are less tourists and less cars or because I get to hang out with my friend who has called Huaraz her home for the last three years. Perhaps it is a combination of all these things. Whatever the reason, it makes me realize what else I love about traveling... seeing how others live, wondering around without an agenda and time schedule, and learning about all the little nuances of another culture. I have found that it is when I am visiting somebody that the opportunities to see these things are available. It's one thing to be a tourist, it's another to be a guest. 

September 29, 2011

Here is a very important lesson in relationships... When traveling on an incredibly uncomfortable, sweltering hot overnight bus and one partner is in a state of silent rage and frustration, it is important for the other partner to maintain the complete opposite role (that is, complete silence). I do believe that opposite extreme roles are the only way anything can get accomplished in emergency situations. Unless of course you are both calm and thinking clearly (but then it wouldn't be an emergency, right?)

Note to self: No more overnight buses!

September 28, 2011

Ask and you shall receive...

Yesterday I stated that I want to learn a language. Today, I was given an opportunity to learn Spanish when our English speaking tour of Uros and Taquile Islands turned out to have a non-English speaking guide. Did I understand everything that was said? Negative. But I understood some of the things he was saying and in my book, that's a win!

Double win, we got a full refund because of the "little" mistake the tour company made. Eh, I'll just look up the answers to my questions on Wikipedia. 

September 27, 2011

As it turns out, I absolutely must learn another language. I've dabbled in French, Spanish and Swahili but not enough to even say that I can "get by". This will change. I will learn another language. Spanish would seem most appropriate, given where I live and the access I have to it. So far this trip, I have surprised myself with how much I already know. I am not sure what part of my brain is being accessed but I am liking it. I haven proven to myself that once I write something down, I make it happen. Now, it's time to watch it happen.

September 26, 2011

The moment I realized I did not have any form of ID on me, my heart sank and I went into a state of panic. See, the train to Machu Picchu was coming in approximately 35 minutes, the hotel was 20 minutes away and I was not allowed on said train without an ID. My ability to remain calm was non existent. Missing this train equaled missing Machu Picchu. While Marc ran around asking questions and getting no answers, I thought of how I was going to tell the hotel staff, in Spanish, to get my passport out of my suitcase and send it in a taxi. People didn't seem to be particularly helpful or knowledgable so I only had one choice. I knew it would be tricky but it had to happen... "DOES ANYONE HAVE A PHONE?!!!!" Yes, I stood outside and yelled this with panic in my voice. Did it work? Absolutely. 

Turns out that a credit card is an acceptable form of ID. My lesson: always have identification with me AND... when in doubt (and in a time crunch), yell out into the crowd exactly what you are asking for. Somebody is bound to help.

September 25, 2011

Holy crap... altitude is the real deal! I had no idea that having our hotel at the top of steep, stone step laden street would turn out to be the cardiovascular workout of my life. For somebody like myself, who east coast speed walks everywhere this is a reminder for me to slow down and enjoy my surroundings. This is a case where getting there faster has absolutely no benefit.

September 24, 2011

There is something about landing in a foreign country that is immediately invigorating. The challenge of not being able to speak the language, the growth that comes from being out of my comfort zone and the excitement of letting go of my everyday routine. This is why traveling is important to me... it forces me to be uncomfortable and from there, I can learn more about myself. 

September 23, 2011

PERUUUUU!!! Talk about makin' ish happen! 

I am not wealthy, in fact, I don't even make THAT much money. But I know exactly what I want out of this life and nothing will stop that... NOTHING!

Man, imagine what it's going to be like when I am really wealthy ;)

September 22, 2011

In the grand scheme of life... all life, to have ever lived on this planet... my time here is quite short although incredibly significant. All of our lives are significant simply because we are here. It's amazing what had to happen for my existence to take place. I will not take this for granted. I will live to my fullest potential.

September 21, 2011

A friend reminded me of what another friend said... "If you want something, boldly ask for it".

The absolute worst thing that can happen when you ask for something is that the answer is no. If that is the most terrible outcome of asking for what you want, then what the heck are you/am I waiting for. But wait a second... I cannot disregard all that I have already asked for and received. It's just proof that it works. 

September 20, 2011

Happy 32nd Birthday to me!!!

My sister jokingly said to me today, "Why don't you do something different and treat yourself today"... the joke being that I regularly treat myself so my birthday doesn't need to be my reason for such activities. I cannot wait around all year to have one day to pamper myself, I like to celebrate me all year round.

I feel like so many people see their birthday as the climax of the year. It gets built up as it gets closer only to start declining the next day. I challenge this practice. I like to see it as the springboard into a whole new fascinating time! An opportunity to jump to the next level. 32... I'm feelin' ya!

September 19, 2011

The perfection is not in the outcome but in the practice. When I see this as truth, my expectations are no longer my motivation, my experiences are.

September 18, 2011

When the National Anthem plays, no matter where you are, something happens... Everyone stands, becomes silent, and many put their hand over their heart. Immediately, a group of people come together to honor their country simply because a song starts playing. There is a shared sense of camaraderie as we all agree on one thing... we are privileged to be American. Just imagine the amazing (positive) things we can do if we all came together like this, more often. Put aside the disagreements, the debates, the fears and the hatred and play that song one more time.  

September 17, 2011

I did it! I am officially a yoga instructor.

When I think about the fear that I used to have over standing in front of a class as compared to the excitement I am now experiencing, I feel extremely proud of myself. The importance of doing something that scares you cannot be underrated. I believe the greatest benefits come out of those experiences. 

September 16, 2011

The life I have is exactly the life I have created. There is a significant amount of power in that realization. You can argue that everything isn't a choice, but I beg to differ... Every single minute is a choice. I am sure I have blogged about this before, but what's one more time. 

Here's to choosing the life of my dreams! 

September 15, 2011

The airport is a fine place to test a person's need to control a situation that is absolutely and completely out of their hands. It is clear that we all need to get somewhere, simply by virtue of where we are. If ever there was a time to sit back, relax and go with the flow, this is it. I consciously made the effort this time and it made my experience significantly more relaxed.

September 14, 2011

Spending time with my sisters, all four of us together, is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I would say that it's like being a kid again, but I think that it is even better than that. Our relationships as adults is far stronger than when we were kids. Thank you Mom and Dad for initiating the creation of this amazing bond! 

September 13, 2011

Letting go of responsibility and truly relaxing into a moment can having an amazing effect on the mind. As I paddled out into the "depths" of the ocean (ie. just a little bit further from shore than usual) searching for the perfect boogie board wave, I realized that was my only thought. I only cared about the ocean, the tide and the waves. Simply put, I only cared about that very moment and it was incredibly liberating.  

September 12, 2011

4 hours to prepare, 12 hours of overnight travel and 2 hours of sleep were absolutely, positively worth it to see the reaction of my family when I surprised them in the Outer Banks. I knew this was the right move!

September, 11, 2011

If I want a certain kind of life, it's time to start living that life that I want. I will put out into the universe exactly what I want back. Money and time are not good enough reasons to stop me from being "alive". So... I purchased my ticket four hours before the scheduled flight.

I knew it was the right choice because when I thought about it I was filled with excitement at the possibility of being spontaneous. It's clear to me that spontaneity is one of the spices of my life that I don't use enough of... until now!

September 10, 2011

Making a decision is one thing. Being confident in that decision is another. How will I ever know if it was the right decision? I suppose the answer is... what ever decision I made was exactly the right one at that moment in time. I can never know what the outcome would have been if I acted differently... its absolutely impossible. It could have been worse, it could have been better. But dwelling on it doesn't change anything, except my current mood. 

September 9, 2011

When talking with a friend about relationships, she stated "relationships are hard". Of course, I disagreed. I think they are only as hard as you want them to be. Naturally, they bring out the very best and, hmmm... not so best, aspects of ourselves. It's simply inevitable. I don't think its the relationship that's hard, its dealing with the "stuff" that relationship brings to the surface. You can run away and wait for it to come up again and again or you can dive in and take responsibility for it making the probability of it resurfacing smaller and smaller. And let's get real.... sometimes, the relationship just doesn't work and I don't think we can ever know if it will or not. But what I do know, is that loving deeply is worth the effort.

September 8, 2011

When thinking of doing something brings about a strong visceral response, does that mean I should do it? Probably.

September 7, 2011

If we thought about choices, its pretty amazing. Everything is a choice. "I just can't do that", is a common phrase I hear all the time. Truly, you are choosing not to do that. It might be easier to just say why it is that you are choosing not to do something. Yes, it may be a little more difficult to state but at least it will give you something to work with. I don't want to be in a constant state of "can't". I would rather figure out why and then change it.

September 6, 2011

I did not allow myself to leave this house until I finished my project. I was not going to put up with any more of my nonsense. Was it difficult? No, it really wasn't. I just had to push past the resistance and fear that it wasn't going to be perfect and just get it done. It's interesting to me that the fear of not being perfect is what often holds me back. It comes up time and time again. And each time I am reminded that the perfection is not in how well I do it, it's in the fact that I am doing it at all.

September 5, 2011

It's freedom that I desire. Freedom from limiting beliefs, freedom from attachment, freedom to spend my time as I please. As I see it, these are all choices that I am... well, free to make. It's amazing that we live in the most "free" country in the world inhabited by some of the most confined individuals. "Living within your means" is a very reasonable suggestion. I just choose to make my means (however one wants to define that word) a whole lot larger. 

September 4, 2011

This evening I made the comment... "I don't want to know any more information", and I meant it. I am not being closed minded (or maybe I am and denying it). For me, I feel like I am saying, no thank you, I don't care to learn about that because there is already too much information in my head that I can't quite figure out. Perhaps down the line, or on a different day, but at this moment, I am not able to retain it, and quite frankly, I would much rather just hear about you. 

September 3, 2011

Today I was reminded of the absolute importance of taking small steps in order to accomplish my goals. And guess who I was reminded by?... Myself (when I said it to somebody else). It is true that Spirit meets me at the point of action, I will never deny that. But when my action is sporadic and not very well thought out, than how can I expect grand results? My first small step... to plan my first small step. Achievable goals, people. I'm trying to set myself up for success.  

September 2, 2011

One just never knows where somebody else is in their day. I apologize if I may have ripped your head off when you told me something. You just so happened to tell me the exact thing that I didn't want to hear at that exact moment I didn't want to hear it. What are the chances?

We all have those days and those moments and we can give every excuse in the world as to why, but rarely want to hear anybody else's "why". Perhaps if we have a little compassion for our own inner bitch and asshole, we might have a little more understanding and compassion for other's.

September 1, 2011

"Healing is the application of loving to the places inside that hurt." Thank you USM for this gem... It was my mantra all day long. It's amazing how quickly my thought process shifted when I came back to these words. The more I said it, the more I visualized it, felt it and shared it. I'm not saying that a mantra is a cure all but it most certainly helped me today (as well as my clients). I would much rather think those 12 words than some of the other colorful language flying around in this here noggin'. 

August 31, 2011

I am planning a trip to Peru and stressing out about all of the things that I am not going to fit into our itinerary. What a brat, right? I am going to Peru and complaining about it. Silliness, I tell you!

 But I have to ask myself... how am I doing this in my everyday life? On any given day, what fabulous details am I glossing over because I concern myself with the things that didn't happen? This is the only life I've got... why be so concerned with what I'm missing? I don't know the difference anyway.  Perhaps I think "if only this would have happened, everything would be perfect". I am too smart to know that's just not true. Here's the new thought... "Look what I get to do!"

August 30, 2011

I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning up a sewage spill in the bathroom. Quite literally, the shit came to the surface, overflowed and then I had to clean it up. I calmly handled the situation but not before I got mad at Marc (for having gone to work), got mad at the toilet, got mad at the bathroom for being ugly, then got mad that I own a home. I guess you could say that the literal experience was giving me the exact same figurative experience... that is, the my inner "shit" coming to the surface, or at least needing to.

August 29, 2011

It is so easy to get caught up in our computers. All it takes is one of us saying, "Oh, let me look that up", and an hour later, 15 more things have been looked up. Its an absolute conscious effort to not put the tv on or open the laptop. These have become such a mainstay in our lives that we don't even recognize the points at which they were turned on. QT (quality time) in an absolute necessity in any relationship. Sometimes we have to be really creative in how we spend it, otherwise, we end up watching a show we both like (ummm... not my idea of QT). So tonight, we did handstands! And although we didn't spend hours doing it, it was totally fun!

August 28, 2011

My very last day of yoga asana training. It went by very fast and I am ok with that. New opportunities are headed my way. This is a fact (well, it's a fact because I am alive and every minute is a new opportunity). I am limited only by my own limiting beliefs about myself. So, in service to myself, let's try and work that ish out now...

I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I am not good enough or smart enough to live the life of my dreams... the truth is, I have been living the life of my dreams all along. Sometimes, I just need to open my eyes (all three of them)

August 27, 2011

Today, I felt like a lunatic. There are times when I have these days. I think this is OK as long as it's not a daily practice. If I expected myself to be "normal" and "under control" at all times, well then I would be expecting way too much. Sometimes, "crazy" is all part of this very often strange life process. 

August 26, 2011

Today I have learned that too much television can lead to an outrageous amount of pain in my head. I have no idea if this is true... in fact, it probably isn't. But at this point in time, I do not have the ability to look any deeper than that. I am being forced to lay down and be quiet. Is this some sort of sign that I should be taking? Probably.

August 25, 2011

I have never been so relieved to find out I have a sinus infection.

I am definitely the kind of person that believes that physical dis-ease is a manifestation of emotional/spiritual imbalance. I often believe this to the point that I am suffering in pain trying to figure out what is emotionally bothering me. I don't discount the fact that there is definitely an opportunity here, but for crying out loud, Jamie, ease up on yourself a bit! In time.

August 24, 2011

Sometimes you need to do something drastic to initiate change. That drastic move is what creates the space for fabulous new things. And "drastic" can mean something different for everyone. I can feel myself cultivating this drastic move, whatever it may be. Or perhaps, I am already doing it.

August 23, 2011

Eating lots of chocolate may sometimes be a coping mechanism to suppress something or to avoid dealing with another thing. But here's what I'm saying... at least I don't do it every day. WIN! 

Is this justifying my candy bar tendencies? Maybe, maybe not. But there must be some credit given for the mere fact that I can openly and freely admit it. I say... WIN again! 

August 22, 2011

It's amazing how the birth of a child, 12 weeks early, can put every last bit of life into perspective. There is truly nothing more precious, amazing and pure. 

August 21, 2011

Imagine four good friends sitting in the living room, listening to one of us tell a story. One minute later, another friend's water breaks. Right there, right next to me. Everything else falls to the wayside and priorities are shifted. This new mother and this child become the absolute most important people in the entire world. AMAZING! 

August 20, 2011

The Wonder Year was not about being the perfect year, but about growth and finding out new things about myself. I suppose when I set such an intention, I should have made it clear that I wanted it to be extra easy and not challenging at all. But, what would have been the fun in that, right? It's within these challenges that I usually find the most growth. I have some choices here... pretend like I have dealt with it and let time push it deeper into the crevices of my mind, waiting to be brought up again and again. Or, deal with this crap. Feel it, be angry about it, cry, laugh, forgive. Perhaps it will come up again, I guess I can never predict that, but I will know its because more healing can be done. There is always more healing to be done. That can never be a bad thing.

August 19, 2011

I do believe that all of this bodywork that I have been getting is finally paying off. Not because I am healed and feeling remarkably better, but because I have loosened up the emotional ties that were being held in my  body.  I recognize and I accept that a great deal of what I am experiencing is physical manifestation of something much deeper, perhaps something that is not available to me right now. It's always so easy for me to point out other people's physical manifestations... but now it's time for me to own mine. My job is not to force the answer but to consciously ask the questions and be open to the answers in whatever way they present themselves.

What is this preventing me from seeing/hearing?
At what point in my life did I decide that headaches were a way for me to deal with something or hide from something?

August 18, 2011

Being a massage therapist is one thing... Having a massage therapist friend is another. What a great opportunity for me to receive practice the art of receiving. Thank you for my two hour massage! 

August 17, 2011

Cue the shift.

Oh yeah, so in order to accomplish something, I actually have to take steps to get it done. Saying its being done is one thing... doing it is a totally different experience. Spirit doesn't meet me at the point of saying it, Spirit meets me at the point of action. And I'm talking genuine, heartfelt, meaningful action (not the everyday to do list action). Occasionally, my "friendly" ego steps in to protect me from being hurt, stopping me dead in my tracks, forcing me to watch hours of nonsense television. I say, thank your for your protection, Madam ego. Now please step aside because I have some dreams to fulfill. 

August 16, 2011

Boredom. It's only a surface feeling. There is always something underneath it. How can I possibly be bored when my life consists of me always doing what I want to do. Well, that's exactly it... I am doing what I want to do but rarely giving myself any credit for it. Instead, a small voice says "it's not enough, you can do more, what else you got?" Well, little voice, I'll tell you what I've got... the patience to listen to what you have to say, the intelligence to know that you do not represent my truth and the courage to say that what I am doing is pretty freaking awesome!

The feeling of boredom will keep me on a constant search for the next best thing. And in service to a previous post... Right now IS the next best thing! Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be doing it... whatever IT is.

August 15, 2011

Today officially marks one full week of having a headache. I have had an occasional 20 minute break from it but for the most part, it is constant. I am not clear how this fits into a year of wonder but there must be a lesson in it somewhere, right? I can hardly think straight to be able to search for a  meaning. But I can say this... "Spirit, if you have a lesson for me to learn, an opportunity for me to deepen into my truth, I ask that you present it in a way that is clear for me to understand. I am open to receiving clarity on this in the most graceful way possible".

August 14, 2011

Be strong and power through... was not my theme for today. I was taken over by an alien headache and quite literally forced to the ground. In those minutes, I felt like I was being judged for being weak, or over-exaggerating. Something tells me, however, that the only person judging me was in fact, ME. In my perceived moment of weakness, I began to kick myself while I was down. My ego's desire to be perfectly in control had presented itself in a new way. My challenge was to surrender. Not to the pain, or the judgment, but to the love that was offered to me by others. I had not asked for it, made an appointment or hid myself... I just surrendered. And on a whole new level, I get it!  

August 13, 2011

Today I am reminded that we only have this very moment... It can never be recreated.

And now we only have this moment...

August 12, 2011

There are countless paths that all lead to the same place. Sometimes I take turns, sometimes they feel like U-turns. Occasionally, I feel like I am lost and don't know which way to go (This is usually the case when I am actually driving ;)

Regardless of which direction I am going, this is MY journey. Overwhelment often appears as a roadblock. I can be patient. I am willing to wait it out. Besides, where else is more important to be than present in my own life.  

August 11, 2011

Bigger... go bigger!

Yes, this can be interpreted in many ways and I invite you to explore it for yourself. What does it mean for you?

Living small does not feel good. Every inch of your body is telling you so and you know it. We all know it.

August 10, 2011

If I always get exactly what I ask for... then I must ask the question, what the hell did I ask for?

Perhaps I need to be more clear on what I want. Or perhaps, I can be a little bit more open to the response that I am given. How is this moment serving my greater purpose? How is it serving my opportunity to grow? 

August 9, 2011

When what needs to be said comes from the heart, one may find that very few words are necessary. 

August 8, 2011

Emotional exhaustion can makes me feel just as tired as physical exhaustion. Sometimes, moreso. I  would never be mad at myself for having a "slow day" after running a marathon, so why do the same after having an emotional marathon? Sometimes, I just need to hit the reset button aka. sleep all day. 

August 7, 2011

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" - Nat King Cole

From this place, everything else will take care of itself. 

August 6, 2011

The best way you can give back, is to do exactly what it is you love in this world. By doing it yourself, you are giving everyone else the opportunity to see into the realms of their own possibilities. What more can I give than the truth that dreams do come true.

August 5, 2011

Being free is more than just visiting an open piece of land. When freedom comes from within, it doesn't matter where you are. 

August 4, 2011

During a Reiki session today, my practitioner shared with me that she was guided to clear my inner ear two times so that I may be more open to listening. Listening to myself when I am know I am right, and listening to others when I know that they are right. First part is easy, it's that second half that I want to argue. But I concede... she is absolutely right (see, I can do it).

August 3, 2011

I have the ability to sense deep rooted hurt in other people just by looking at them. This does not mean that it's all I see in them. My goal is not to attach meaning or a reason to it. If I am not careful, it can make it difficult to be in certain places. But I am willing to see this as a gift... it is my opportunity, in this lifetime to share compassion, understanding and love with everyone I come in contact with. Challenging? Yes. But I accept it.

August 2, 2011

Long car rides are my favorite way to reconnect with anyone. How often do you get to have each other's absolute undivided attention (well, besides the fact that one person is driving. Minor detail). Some of my favorite memories with people revolve around a great road trip!

August 1, 2011

Reminder: It's OK to feel like I don't fit in. If it's not my tribe... it's just not my tribe. It doesn't need to say anything more than just that. 

July 31, 2011

Fuuuuuuck!!!

That is exactly what I screamed in my car while driving from Santa Ana airport to LAX. See, I went to the wrong airport to pick marc up and waited for a half an hour because he was stuck on the jetway... A jetway 45 miles away.

Perhaps you think screaming is not a big deal. But from a girl who is only just learning to express anger, that was an hours worth of therapy right there.

July 30, 2011

Here's what I think about crying. No matter what triggered the emotion and regardless of the degree to which snot is flowing and eyes are swelling shut...

Attach anything to those tears, anything at all that needs to be released and just let it go. It's so common to say "I don't know why I'm crying so much." Who cares why, just let it flow and release. This is my new thing for anytime I am crying... including while watching a movie this evening. 

July 29, 2011

If my life is my message... what do I want it to say?

That I listened to everyone else's opinions and advice on how the rest of my life is going to unfold? Or that I manifested my dreams into reality?

hmmmm...

July 28, 2011

The moment I think I can't do something... I can't! So, what's the point? It's actually quite a ridiculous thought (I mean, I'm not trying to fly or dunk a basketball or anything...)

If I think I can do everything, it makes life a lot more comfortable and stress free. I don't think my brain even knows the difference.

July 27, 2011

Anxiety. It can hit like a ton of bricks when absolutely least expected. Pop a pill, eat a gallon of ice cream, sleep. At some point in my life, I tried all of these things. They don't work... for long. What if the anxiety is a message? A very important piece of information sent from deep within. What if I just breathe and listen to it? I don't want to cover it up, be ashamed of it, or fear it. I want to heal it.  

July 26, 2011

Out there in the world, there are so many things waiting for me to find them. The resources are infinite and the possibilities endless. The question is whether or not I am open to it. It's more than just saying I am open... that's easy. It's believing it right into the depth of my being, free from any limiting belief. It comes down to my worthiness or rather my knowing that I AM worthy. The second this comes into awareness is the same second my eyes truly open and see what was there all along. 

July 25, 2011

Conscious productivity. That's exactly what I made this day about. Nobody said I can't "do" and "be" at the same time. 

July 24, 2011

If part of my lessons in this life is to learn to be kind to myself and trust myself, then every circumstance that comes my way is an opportunity to do so. Sometimes, I wish I remembered this information before the the opportunity came along. Ah... the journey of life. 

July 23, 2011

Watch a funny movie, go see a comedian, marry a completely hysterical person... just laugh! EVERY SINGLE DAY! I consider myself very fortunate...I usually get to laugh within the first 2 minutes of Marc waking up. 

July 22, 2011

I never realized that surrounding oneself with like-minded people is a challenge, until somebody was greatly surprised when I said that I am. I don't know how it happened or that I actively created it. I do know that when I stopped searching for acceptance outside of myself, all of a sudden, everything I had was exactly what I needed. 

July 21, 2011

Every single thing that I do will have a reaction. EVERYTHING. Sometimes favorable, sometimes not. Can this concept be enough to get me through a situation? Or, do I need to also apply continual stress? The outcome, whether favorable or not will hardly reverse the effect that the stress already had on my body and mind. I inhale, exhale, make a choice and free myself of any unnecessary stress that does not serve my highest good (well, I try at least).  

July 20, 2011

It's amazing how my body can drastically change from one day to the next. Yesterday, I was practicing handstands and today I can barely manage to lift my leg up without needing to take a break. But what is important for me to remember is to respect what I have to work with on any given day. My body knows when it's time to slow down and when it's time to turn up the heat. All I have to do is listen to it. Not so hard really.   

July 19, 2011

Sometimes I feel great and everything is going along smoothly but then something happens and all of a sudden I am loose cannon of emotions. What is that 'something' and how is it possible that it hits me in just the right spot at just the right time to release exactly what needed to be released? At times, I want to control it, suppress it and leave it be. But if I do that, the end result is a bigger issue weeks, months or years down the line. I don't want to choose that path for my life. If I want to be true to myself, I know exactly what needs to be done. There are no coincidences and the timing is always perfect.

July 18, 2011

If everyone did it my way...

Let's be honest, I would still have a problem with it.

July 17, 2011

Cookies.

One of the happiest things on earth.

July 16, 2011

What do I like to do?

I sometimes try to fit myself into a particular category of what I think I am supposed to be doing or like doing. I like the idea of lots of things but often find them to be... not quite my style. When I get caught up in the "what else could I do right now" or "what can I do tomorrow to make it better than today", its simply because I am avoiding the real question... why do I feel like what I am doing is not good enough? Living life to its fullest does not mean for me what it might mean for somebody else. And if I have to constantly remind myself of this well, than that's ok.

July 15, 2011

Just got my first piece of mail to:

Jamie Christiano
Maisha Designs

That's just plain cool! I officially am a business owner.

July 14, 2011

My Chi (Qi) has been moved and I feel free! If there was a part of me that was stagnant before, it is certainly being stirred up now, and I welcome it. I do believe my body has the ability to heal itself naturally and I am willing to take the time necessary to make that happen.

Acupuncture. If you haven't tried it, now is the time.

July 13, 2011

Whatever I think about, is exactly what I am going to manifest. WHATEVER it is... so I better make sure it's damn good! It's never too late to tweak a few of those nagging thoughts. They are not real, they are not true. They are just little areas of concern asking for some help.

July 12, 2011

My optimism comes from a true, heartfelt place... where does your cynicism come from? Mine will always win (not that it's a competition or anything). You can no longer call me naive or young because well... I am too old for that. I have worked with my fears, I have healed many of them. I know what's possible in my life, and I WILL get there with ease and grace!

July 11, 2011

Another new fabulous doctor! 2 for 2. I'm not gonna lie, I think its because I changed my perspective. Instead of complaining about all the not so attentive doctors that I have seen, I started to think about what I wanted in a doctor. Alas, my wish came true. Time to start making more wishes!

July 10, 2011

I am here to reveal the secret to bedtime success for partners. Perhaps some of you do not have a problem with the sleeping habits of the person next to you. I am not one of those people. I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night and make the bed while Marc is still sleeping in it. I have sleeping preferences and so does he and unfortunately, they are not the same. Through years of trial and error research the one and only conclusion is... one fitted sheet and two separate blankets. Sharing one comforter is quite possibly the worst idea ever invented! I have sacrificed the "cutely" decorated bed for superior sleeping conditions.

ps. In case you were wondering...this situation in no way interferes with the all important evening snuggle.

July 9, 2011

Excuses are just silly. Perhaps I'm late to work because there was a bit of traffic. Usually, its because I left my house late AND there was a bit of traffic (let's be honest) . Reasons and excuses are different. Reasons tell the truth, excuses hide it.

July 8, 2011

It can be really challenging for me to not judge somebody based on the way they look. It's not like I force it to happen, it just does. Call me shallow, or just call me exactly like everyone else, I don't know. At least I am open to being proven wrong.

July 7, 2011

When you start to complain about something you don't have... I encourage you to think again. Being conscious of my inner dialogue opens up an awareness into my life that can often go unnoticed. What's more important than the relationship I have with and to myself?

July 6, 2011

Inhaaaaaaaaaale... Exhaaaaaaaaale... Repeat.

I know our bodies do it naturally, but a conscious deep breath that always feels so good.

July 5, 2011

The importance of personal quiet time should not be underestimated. And the excuse of "I don't have the time" is not allowed. Everyone has 5 minutes to sit alone, close your eyes, try not to move and simply breathe. I find that the more I offer myself this opportunity, the more I crave it. In a world of constant stimulation, my brain and my senses can use a little break. It's the greatest guilt free gift I can offer myself every single day. I have never finished a meditation with "well shit... that was a waste of my time!" Now, how many tv shows can you say that about?

July 4, 2011

Happy Freedom Day!... right?

I am grateful for my freedom to be who I am. And on this day, I hope that my fellow Americans can find it within them to understand that who I am, or who she or he is, is not a reflection of who they are. Let's all celebrate our personal independence!

July 3, 2011

The simple life IS the extravagant life. I do believe that simplifying takes a little bit more effort and concentration, especially in a land that values the idea that if you have more, you are more (I wonder if that really ever worked for anyone). Being attached to and defined by our possessions is an incredibly stressful place to be, no? I am not against the actual purchasing of "things", that would be craziness. I like "things" too. However, the challenge lies in not placing self value in these items. We are worth so much more.

July 2, 2011

I am no longer working with my hands... I am working with my heart.

I am not kidding, the moment I declared this, my day got so much easier and lighter. My heart can only share love and kindness. Sure, it has ached and felt hurt before but it does not emit hurt feelings (it just doesn't and you know it). I have never felt anger, resentment or fear in my heart area, only in my gut, and maybe a hip.

Yes, I realize what this sounds like, but... don't mock it till you try it!

July 1, 2011

How many people have been afraid to try something bc they are afraid of their (in)abilities or what someone would think? I say... screw it!

"I am a healer!" There! I said it. I own it.

I've always felt it but was resistant to share. Sure, a massage is healing in itself but energy work has a... well, a different energy. Today, I spoke up and offered my healing abilities.

June 30, 2011

Quote of the day... "The spiritual shit doesn't have to be so obvious." Sometimes subtlety speaks volumes.

June 29, 2011

It's not about being good enough. It's knowing that you are good enough and don't have to prove it to anyone. I think it's when the need to prove it goes away, that great things happen.

June 28, 2011

"Silence is golden". I remember this sign hanging up in one of my elementary school classrooms. I thought it meant, be quiet so that the teacher doesn't have to yell at you (well, it probably did). But I know now the significance of silence and the impact it can have. It is in the silence and the stillness that I can hear everything. Everything that matters. All the noise of the world, the tv, the radio, the chatter keeps my mind busy with nonsense. It keeps me away from my thoughts and quite frankly, further away from the answer to anything at all. I dare you to drive one full day without the radio. How does it change the day. How do you treat your thoughts?

June 27, 2011

Take a deep breath and just take it in... It is the absolute truth!

June 26, 2011

I had an opportunity to guide my classmates through, roughly, three yoga positions today. Inhale, exhale, arms up, arms down... or something like that. I have no idea if anything I said was correct and I didn't even care. I didn't care if I did it right!! Who is this girl?!

June 25, 2011

First impressions are not always 100% accurate. My first impression is often colored by my judgments. And it's not really fair to determine whether I like somebody based on my own insecurities or previously held beliefs. I mean, I might still do it... but it's not fair.

June 24, 2011

Today I got a chocolate, gluten free, delicious piece of heaven... for free!! When the waitress offered me a free dessert my instinct was to say "no". Nothing's for free, right? There must be a catch. And I actually gave her a line of questioning to make sure.

For cryin' out loud, Jamie, it's a free piece of chocolate not a free trip to Vegas if you only listen to a 2 hour presentation. So, I accepted and enjoyed... really enjoyed.

June 23, 2011

This is who I am. No facade (besides a little makeup). I am not my interests, I am not my issues, I am not my job and I am not my relationships. I will not to take on a personality to comfort anyone but I will comfort them when necessary. I will not be funny because the moment is awkward, although I am pretty hilarious.

My authenticity is attracted to your authenticity. That's the only way to be.

June 22, 2011

One of the most important aspects of having your shit together, is knowing that you don't have all your shit together at all. And quite frankly, you never will. This is not a bad thing, it's simply the truth. This, my friends, is the beauty of life. Keep things interesting.

June 21, 2011

"I take my time, trusting that what I am meant to do will fall into place at exactly the right moment. I am patient with myself and believe that I do have all the skills necessary to create my ideal scene."

June 20, 2011

On this here first day of summner, I was greeted by this very beautiful flower fully bloomed on my hibiscus tree. New season, new beginnings.

June 19, 2011

When Marc told me that I was being negative today and complaining about a lot of things and to just relax I immediately became confused. Yes, in fact, I was complaining and didn't really have anything positive to say in the last hour or so, but why did I have to "relax"? (It's such an annoying suggestion sometimes). I did not feel angry, melodramatic or wound up. I was simply getting things off my chest. I asked, "Have I been acting like this for a long time or something?" The answer was no. Well, then I feel like it is perfectly acceptable for me to explain how I am feeling without trying to create a solution, right?

We discussed further. I did not turn away (which I may have done in the past). Nobody was angry.

Here is what it came down to. Marc did not like to hear me complain about something he had no control over... my well being (my physical well being). So, he wanted me to relax so that he could relax and not worry. I get it. He loves me.

Passive aggressive behavior and/or a fight successfully averted!

June 18, 2011

The way I feel about my physical self is not always complimentary and my relationship with food has its interesting twists. But I know this... I love myself more now than I ever have in my entire life. And when I remember this and center myself in the truth of who I really am, the other things start to slip away. Only I can define me.

June 17, 2011

Today I met my new Doctor. She actually looked at me and listened to what I was saying and most importantly... understood. For the first time in five years, I was not prescribed a medication.

June 16, 2011

11 hour work day, driving home I could barely see because my eyes were so tired. My body is exhausted but my spirits are high. The possibilities are endless and I can feel it on a cellular level.

June 15, 2011

Now I am not one to just offer unsolicited relationship advice but if I were, this is what I would tell you... Be willing to be ridiculous together. The fact that this man will participate in my outrageous, choreographed dances, not to mention coaching me along the way, is simply fantastic. What more could a girl want? I am totally serious.

June 14, 2011

Give and expect nothing in return. I believe that when you expect nothing, you will receive everything.

June 13, 2011

Silliness… pure, ridiculous, child-like silliness. It is not only fun, it is necessary. Choreographing your own special dance, making up a ridiculous song or pretending that a loaf of bread is too difficult to carry so you have to throw it over your shoulder (a la Marc Marini). Laughing makes life better… way better.

June 12, 2011

It's all up to you. All of it.