October 29, 2011

Completing incomplete cycles of action. So many tasks are halfway accomplished and for some reason finishing them seems so difficult or too time consuming. But truly, the most time consuming part is how much time I spend thinking about it. I need a little more space in my brain for more important thoughts or maybe, less thoughts. So, here's to finally finishing what we started! 

October 28, 2011

There are times when I get mad at people (maybe one person in particular) for absolutely no reason at all. It just feels good to be mad at somebody as opposed to taking responsibility for what is bothering me. I am in no way condoning this behavior and usually (hopefully) that person doesn't even know what's happening. Self awareness usually kicks in before my irrationality is revealed. What I am saying is that as I rant to myself in the car (or to an outside party) about how mad I am, the truth often comes to the surface... and my next move becomes clear. 

October 27, 2011

I truly believe that anything you want is out there waiting for you. ANYTHING. Let go of the belief that it's too hard, it takes too long or it costs too much. If that's you're belief, well then yes, it will be all of those things, but it doesn't have to. There may come moments of stagnation and sometimes you just have to ride them out. They pass. I know they pass because I've experienced it. Take advantage of the moments of passion and relax in the down time. We can't always be "doing".

October 26, 2011

I love this time of year. It makes 8pm bakery runs seem highly acceptable. When it's dark and cold outside, cookies are a great way to really make it an authentic fall evening. Pushing it? Maybe. I love me some rainbow cookies and when the husband agrees to go with me...it's a go!

October 25, 2011

Sometimes I take pictures like this (my view from the coffee shop) and send them to my sisters... mostly because I am being mean to them while they suffer through colder weather. But really, this is my reminder of how awesome this life can be and how lucky I am. I know I created my situation and I continue to do so every day but it's helpful to have something as fabulous as this to bring me to that place. And I don't believe you have to live next to the ocean to be in this place of gratitude. Beauty is absolutely, positively all around you! Open your eyes!

I just realized that my intention during yoga was to "be open" and then I wrote this... Oh, I like how that works!

October 24, 2011

As it turns out, I absolutely love teaching yoga... and I'm pretty good at it! Who knew? It is all coming together very nicely. 

October 23, 2011

I sit here wondering what I am going to write about today and concerned that I may repeat something that I have already discussed. And then I realize how absolutely ridiculous that concern is. So, I can conclude today that I was concerned about what I am going to write in this moment, in addition to how I can help pay for a surgery for somebody I hardly know, in addition to how can I continue working such a physically taxing job when I do become pregnant. I have given these thoughts equal amount of time and the conclusion that I have come to is this... Thinking about these things is useless. Either do something about it or stop allowing it to take up space in my mind. Worrying about anything has never ever gotten anything done but making a move has. So, I have come up with something to write (as I always do), I am looking into finding out how much surgery costs, and I trust that the work that I do will provide for me substantially  (as it always has). 

October 22, 2011

Constantly hoping that something works out for you seems, to me at least, to take away from all of the things that are already working out for you. I encourage you to step away from what it is that you are constantly searching for so that you can see that it already exists. And I absolutely promise you, it already exists! 

October 21, 2011

I made a decision to not rush today. There is absolutely no reason, in an average day, to rush anywhere or to get anything done... unless of course I want to be unnecessarily stressed out. Think of how ridiculous that driver looks when they are swerving in and out of traffic, cutting in front of everyone, only to meet you at the stop light at the exact same time. Well... when in a rush, we look just as ridiculous. Taking one's time is underrated. I'm bringin' it back!

October 20, 2011

1. Taught my very first 90 minute yoga class.
2. Greatest husband ever.

October 19, 2011

I will state it here and I exclaim it with enthusiasm and excitement... I am ready for a baby!!

October 18, 2011

ELATION!!!

When the feeling arises, I cannot question it... I am just going to ride it! There comes a moment when my brain stops thinking and my truth comes out. And my truth is the greatest part of me. It's the greatest part of everyone. Sometimes my mind is too loud for me to hear the truth. And when I find the silence, I find myself... again... and again... and again.

Oh wait, I meditated this morning for the first time in a while... uh huh, it's all coming together now.

October 17, 2011

Today I was told, by a doctor, that when I do become pregnant, I will be considered a high risk pregnancy. In the past, this would have scared me. But what I have learned through my many visits to the doctor in the last couple of years is... I know myself and my body better than anybody. They have suggestions and advice and I will take their words into consideration when determining my next step. But to worry about my health will only guarantee one thing... poor health. I know that I can't predict what may happen but I can choose my thoughts in the moment. And I do believe that is the first step to health.

October 16, 2011

Today did not go according to plan... Even the plans did not go according to plan. But in the end, it was exactly what should have happened. If I thought I had something to worry about, it all went away when I looked at the little, tiny face of Hudson Williams. He came earlier than planned and each day Mommy and Daddy learn how their day can take an unexpected turn. He is a fighter and at two months old, an amazing teacher.

October 15, 2011

Reading magazines is a sure fire way to make somebody feel like their life is not good enough. Today, I read that you can fire up your morning romance by mixing sugar and honey together, then applying it to your partners lips with the fleshy side of a halved grape... as a clever way to exfoliate and hydrate your lips, of course. Don't get me wrong, I will probably be scrubbing my whole body with sugar and honey tomorrow morning... alone. I am not sure that sloughing off my dead skin is an activity I need Marc to be a part of.

I believe that romance is highly subjective and changes as the relationship grows. I used to have an idealized view of what it was and often felt let down because my outrageous expectations were never met (how could Marc not know to secretly take dance classes so that he could pull me up on to the dance floor and whisk me away?). Romance is so much more than that... and so much simpler at the same time. It's in a look, or a word and one of my favorites... a random hug. 

October 14, 2011

I woke up early this morning to this view. I took this as an opportunity to sit on my balcony, sip some tea and slow things down a little bit (by "things" I am referring to my thoughts). I LOVE the early morning. There is a silence and stillness in the air that does not exist any other time of day. It is a great way to manifest the silence and stillness that I desire internally.

October 13, 2011

Today, my words are not with me. I will go to bed reminding myself of all that I have to be grateful for. 

October 12, 2011

What is a prayer but a simple intention for something to work out for the greatest good. For somebody to say that they don't believe in it, is just downright craziness. If you have ever wished or hoped for anything for yourself or anyone else... you have prayed. There can never be anything wrong with that. 

October 11, 2011

How did I get here? Right here in this very moment? Every single day of my life has been leading up to this moment. What a strange concept. Every day generally seems very similar to the day before but when I think about what I was doing and who I was five years ago, the difference is  quite drastic. It's amazing, really. Every single moment something new is happening. It can't be any other way. Now putting it that way can make for a very intriguing day!

October 10, 2011

I made the statement today that I am feeling lazy but when I look back at my day, I was anything but lazy. So where did this statement come from? I did just about everything I set out to do today. Perhaps its because I was feeling tired and didn't necessarily want to be doing what I was doing. Or was it that I was just being too hard on myself? Whatever it is, here is something that many be interesting to look at. When I think of something that I am not doing, then call myself lazy for not doing it... Do I really want to do it in the first place or is it my fear stepping in to protect me from failing? I am not lazy and to be honest, I am not sure anybody is. That word is now forbidden in my vocabulary.

October 9, 2011

I only have this one life...

I will make it the best one!

Whatever I want to do,  I will DO IT!

The excuses are misbeliefs. The fears are a figment of my imagination that will only come true if I allow them to. 

October 8, 2011

I love when the seasons change! I feel this instinctual need to clear out the old to make room for the new. It's a fresh start for... anything at all to happen. I can feel that these last three months of the year are going to unfold in an amazing way. Disappointment is not in my realm of possibility... creation is (wait, did I just say that?).

October 7, 2011

Isn't fundraising interesting? We raise all this money to help a cause that we care about and we hope that it will be a significant part of the solution. It helps, yes, but rarely does it solve anything. If there is an endless amount of money in this world, and I do believe there is, then why are there any problems at all. Because money cannot solve everything. We need something different, something that is available to all of us but that most of the world has not tapped into yet. If you have to ask what that is... good. That's the point.

October 6, 2011

Sometimes the greatest opportunity I can find in a day is to rest. It's not always an easy thing to do but it's the absolute best I can do in the moment. 

October 5, 2011

Today I was asked to apprentice at my favorite yoga studio. Yes, yes... it is all coming together. Fabulous opportunities abound!

October 4, 2011

From now on, when I see those poor souls running through the airport at top speed I will never say... "why would you ever have to do that?" Marc and I were officially those poor souls and we successfully missed the plane. We got angry, made mean comments about US customs,  then... we got bagels. I'm really enjoying this whole expressing anger in the moment thing. It doesn't solve anything, but it sure feels good.

October 3, 2011

7 hour bus ride successfully avoided by taking a 45 minute plane ride. Once again, living life the way I want (an most certainly... the way Marc wants).

October 2, 2011

In observing other people, other cultures and other lands, I come to know myself on a deeper level. I realize, this is a choice. I meet so many people that are resistant to their surroundings and judge their culture and their beliefs as better. In saying this, I have to wonder, how much do you even know about your culture? It goes so far back, before you were born, before your parents were born. We are who we are because of a long line of beliefs, situations and even cultures that preceded us and that are completely different than what we are used to today. Embrace the differences, embrace yourself. 

October 1, 2011

I have officially had the absolute best day of this entire trip. Llaca Lake, baby! Clean air, beaming sun, crystal blue water and time spent with Marc and Erica. My brain almost can't handle what my eyes are seeing. The history of the world sits right before me, baffles me and reminds me of how little I know... and I love that! I feel challenged by it!

September 30, 2011

Currently in my fourth city visit in Peru and I have already decided that this is my favorite one. I am not sure if it's because there are less tourists and less cars or because I get to hang out with my friend who has called Huaraz her home for the last three years. Perhaps it is a combination of all these things. Whatever the reason, it makes me realize what else I love about traveling... seeing how others live, wondering around without an agenda and time schedule, and learning about all the little nuances of another culture. I have found that it is when I am visiting somebody that the opportunities to see these things are available. It's one thing to be a tourist, it's another to be a guest. 

September 29, 2011

Here is a very important lesson in relationships... When traveling on an incredibly uncomfortable, sweltering hot overnight bus and one partner is in a state of silent rage and frustration, it is important for the other partner to maintain the complete opposite role (that is, complete silence). I do believe that opposite extreme roles are the only way anything can get accomplished in emergency situations. Unless of course you are both calm and thinking clearly (but then it wouldn't be an emergency, right?)

Note to self: No more overnight buses!

September 28, 2011

Ask and you shall receive...

Yesterday I stated that I want to learn a language. Today, I was given an opportunity to learn Spanish when our English speaking tour of Uros and Taquile Islands turned out to have a non-English speaking guide. Did I understand everything that was said? Negative. But I understood some of the things he was saying and in my book, that's a win!

Double win, we got a full refund because of the "little" mistake the tour company made. Eh, I'll just look up the answers to my questions on Wikipedia. 

September 27, 2011

As it turns out, I absolutely must learn another language. I've dabbled in French, Spanish and Swahili but not enough to even say that I can "get by". This will change. I will learn another language. Spanish would seem most appropriate, given where I live and the access I have to it. So far this trip, I have surprised myself with how much I already know. I am not sure what part of my brain is being accessed but I am liking it. I haven proven to myself that once I write something down, I make it happen. Now, it's time to watch it happen.

September 26, 2011

The moment I realized I did not have any form of ID on me, my heart sank and I went into a state of panic. See, the train to Machu Picchu was coming in approximately 35 minutes, the hotel was 20 minutes away and I was not allowed on said train without an ID. My ability to remain calm was non existent. Missing this train equaled missing Machu Picchu. While Marc ran around asking questions and getting no answers, I thought of how I was going to tell the hotel staff, in Spanish, to get my passport out of my suitcase and send it in a taxi. People didn't seem to be particularly helpful or knowledgable so I only had one choice. I knew it would be tricky but it had to happen... "DOES ANYONE HAVE A PHONE?!!!!" Yes, I stood outside and yelled this with panic in my voice. Did it work? Absolutely. 

Turns out that a credit card is an acceptable form of ID. My lesson: always have identification with me AND... when in doubt (and in a time crunch), yell out into the crowd exactly what you are asking for. Somebody is bound to help.

September 25, 2011

Holy crap... altitude is the real deal! I had no idea that having our hotel at the top of steep, stone step laden street would turn out to be the cardiovascular workout of my life. For somebody like myself, who east coast speed walks everywhere this is a reminder for me to slow down and enjoy my surroundings. This is a case where getting there faster has absolutely no benefit.

September 24, 2011

There is something about landing in a foreign country that is immediately invigorating. The challenge of not being able to speak the language, the growth that comes from being out of my comfort zone and the excitement of letting go of my everyday routine. This is why traveling is important to me... it forces me to be uncomfortable and from there, I can learn more about myself.