August 30, 2011

I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning up a sewage spill in the bathroom. Quite literally, the shit came to the surface, overflowed and then I had to clean it up. I calmly handled the situation but not before I got mad at Marc (for having gone to work), got mad at the toilet, got mad at the bathroom for being ugly, then got mad that I own a home. I guess you could say that the literal experience was giving me the exact same figurative experience... that is, the my inner "shit" coming to the surface, or at least needing to.

August 29, 2011

It is so easy to get caught up in our computers. All it takes is one of us saying, "Oh, let me look that up", and an hour later, 15 more things have been looked up. Its an absolute conscious effort to not put the tv on or open the laptop. These have become such a mainstay in our lives that we don't even recognize the points at which they were turned on. QT (quality time) in an absolute necessity in any relationship. Sometimes we have to be really creative in how we spend it, otherwise, we end up watching a show we both like (ummm... not my idea of QT). So tonight, we did handstands! And although we didn't spend hours doing it, it was totally fun!

August 28, 2011

My very last day of yoga asana training. It went by very fast and I am ok with that. New opportunities are headed my way. This is a fact (well, it's a fact because I am alive and every minute is a new opportunity). I am limited only by my own limiting beliefs about myself. So, in service to myself, let's try and work that ish out now...

I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I am not good enough or smart enough to live the life of my dreams... the truth is, I have been living the life of my dreams all along. Sometimes, I just need to open my eyes (all three of them)

August 27, 2011

Today, I felt like a lunatic. There are times when I have these days. I think this is OK as long as it's not a daily practice. If I expected myself to be "normal" and "under control" at all times, well then I would be expecting way too much. Sometimes, "crazy" is all part of this very often strange life process. 

August 26, 2011

Today I have learned that too much television can lead to an outrageous amount of pain in my head. I have no idea if this is true... in fact, it probably isn't. But at this point in time, I do not have the ability to look any deeper than that. I am being forced to lay down and be quiet. Is this some sort of sign that I should be taking? Probably.

August 25, 2011

I have never been so relieved to find out I have a sinus infection.

I am definitely the kind of person that believes that physical dis-ease is a manifestation of emotional/spiritual imbalance. I often believe this to the point that I am suffering in pain trying to figure out what is emotionally bothering me. I don't discount the fact that there is definitely an opportunity here, but for crying out loud, Jamie, ease up on yourself a bit! In time.

August 24, 2011

Sometimes you need to do something drastic to initiate change. That drastic move is what creates the space for fabulous new things. And "drastic" can mean something different for everyone. I can feel myself cultivating this drastic move, whatever it may be. Or perhaps, I am already doing it.

August 23, 2011

Eating lots of chocolate may sometimes be a coping mechanism to suppress something or to avoid dealing with another thing. But here's what I'm saying... at least I don't do it every day. WIN! 

Is this justifying my candy bar tendencies? Maybe, maybe not. But there must be some credit given for the mere fact that I can openly and freely admit it. I say... WIN again! 

August 22, 2011

It's amazing how the birth of a child, 12 weeks early, can put every last bit of life into perspective. There is truly nothing more precious, amazing and pure. 

August 21, 2011

Imagine four good friends sitting in the living room, listening to one of us tell a story. One minute later, another friend's water breaks. Right there, right next to me. Everything else falls to the wayside and priorities are shifted. This new mother and this child become the absolute most important people in the entire world. AMAZING! 

August 20, 2011

The Wonder Year was not about being the perfect year, but about growth and finding out new things about myself. I suppose when I set such an intention, I should have made it clear that I wanted it to be extra easy and not challenging at all. But, what would have been the fun in that, right? It's within these challenges that I usually find the most growth. I have some choices here... pretend like I have dealt with it and let time push it deeper into the crevices of my mind, waiting to be brought up again and again. Or, deal with this crap. Feel it, be angry about it, cry, laugh, forgive. Perhaps it will come up again, I guess I can never predict that, but I will know its because more healing can be done. There is always more healing to be done. That can never be a bad thing.

August 19, 2011

I do believe that all of this bodywork that I have been getting is finally paying off. Not because I am healed and feeling remarkably better, but because I have loosened up the emotional ties that were being held in my  body.  I recognize and I accept that a great deal of what I am experiencing is physical manifestation of something much deeper, perhaps something that is not available to me right now. It's always so easy for me to point out other people's physical manifestations... but now it's time for me to own mine. My job is not to force the answer but to consciously ask the questions and be open to the answers in whatever way they present themselves.

What is this preventing me from seeing/hearing?
At what point in my life did I decide that headaches were a way for me to deal with something or hide from something?

August 18, 2011

Being a massage therapist is one thing... Having a massage therapist friend is another. What a great opportunity for me to receive practice the art of receiving. Thank you for my two hour massage! 

August 17, 2011

Cue the shift.

Oh yeah, so in order to accomplish something, I actually have to take steps to get it done. Saying its being done is one thing... doing it is a totally different experience. Spirit doesn't meet me at the point of saying it, Spirit meets me at the point of action. And I'm talking genuine, heartfelt, meaningful action (not the everyday to do list action). Occasionally, my "friendly" ego steps in to protect me from being hurt, stopping me dead in my tracks, forcing me to watch hours of nonsense television. I say, thank your for your protection, Madam ego. Now please step aside because I have some dreams to fulfill. 

August 16, 2011

Boredom. It's only a surface feeling. There is always something underneath it. How can I possibly be bored when my life consists of me always doing what I want to do. Well, that's exactly it... I am doing what I want to do but rarely giving myself any credit for it. Instead, a small voice says "it's not enough, you can do more, what else you got?" Well, little voice, I'll tell you what I've got... the patience to listen to what you have to say, the intelligence to know that you do not represent my truth and the courage to say that what I am doing is pretty freaking awesome!

The feeling of boredom will keep me on a constant search for the next best thing. And in service to a previous post... Right now IS the next best thing! Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be doing it... whatever IT is.

August 15, 2011

Today officially marks one full week of having a headache. I have had an occasional 20 minute break from it but for the most part, it is constant. I am not clear how this fits into a year of wonder but there must be a lesson in it somewhere, right? I can hardly think straight to be able to search for a  meaning. But I can say this... "Spirit, if you have a lesson for me to learn, an opportunity for me to deepen into my truth, I ask that you present it in a way that is clear for me to understand. I am open to receiving clarity on this in the most graceful way possible".

August 14, 2011

Be strong and power through... was not my theme for today. I was taken over by an alien headache and quite literally forced to the ground. In those minutes, I felt like I was being judged for being weak, or over-exaggerating. Something tells me, however, that the only person judging me was in fact, ME. In my perceived moment of weakness, I began to kick myself while I was down. My ego's desire to be perfectly in control had presented itself in a new way. My challenge was to surrender. Not to the pain, or the judgment, but to the love that was offered to me by others. I had not asked for it, made an appointment or hid myself... I just surrendered. And on a whole new level, I get it!  

August 13, 2011

Today I am reminded that we only have this very moment... It can never be recreated.

And now we only have this moment...

August 12, 2011

There are countless paths that all lead to the same place. Sometimes I take turns, sometimes they feel like U-turns. Occasionally, I feel like I am lost and don't know which way to go (This is usually the case when I am actually driving ;)

Regardless of which direction I am going, this is MY journey. Overwhelment often appears as a roadblock. I can be patient. I am willing to wait it out. Besides, where else is more important to be than present in my own life.  

August 11, 2011

Bigger... go bigger!

Yes, this can be interpreted in many ways and I invite you to explore it for yourself. What does it mean for you?

Living small does not feel good. Every inch of your body is telling you so and you know it. We all know it.

August 10, 2011

If I always get exactly what I ask for... then I must ask the question, what the hell did I ask for?

Perhaps I need to be more clear on what I want. Or perhaps, I can be a little bit more open to the response that I am given. How is this moment serving my greater purpose? How is it serving my opportunity to grow? 

August 9, 2011

When what needs to be said comes from the heart, one may find that very few words are necessary. 

August 8, 2011

Emotional exhaustion can makes me feel just as tired as physical exhaustion. Sometimes, moreso. I  would never be mad at myself for having a "slow day" after running a marathon, so why do the same after having an emotional marathon? Sometimes, I just need to hit the reset button aka. sleep all day. 

August 7, 2011

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" - Nat King Cole

From this place, everything else will take care of itself. 

August 6, 2011

The best way you can give back, is to do exactly what it is you love in this world. By doing it yourself, you are giving everyone else the opportunity to see into the realms of their own possibilities. What more can I give than the truth that dreams do come true.

August 5, 2011

Being free is more than just visiting an open piece of land. When freedom comes from within, it doesn't matter where you are. 

August 4, 2011

During a Reiki session today, my practitioner shared with me that she was guided to clear my inner ear two times so that I may be more open to listening. Listening to myself when I am know I am right, and listening to others when I know that they are right. First part is easy, it's that second half that I want to argue. But I concede... she is absolutely right (see, I can do it).

August 3, 2011

I have the ability to sense deep rooted hurt in other people just by looking at them. This does not mean that it's all I see in them. My goal is not to attach meaning or a reason to it. If I am not careful, it can make it difficult to be in certain places. But I am willing to see this as a gift... it is my opportunity, in this lifetime to share compassion, understanding and love with everyone I come in contact with. Challenging? Yes. But I accept it.

August 2, 2011

Long car rides are my favorite way to reconnect with anyone. How often do you get to have each other's absolute undivided attention (well, besides the fact that one person is driving. Minor detail). Some of my favorite memories with people revolve around a great road trip!

August 1, 2011

Reminder: It's OK to feel like I don't fit in. If it's not my tribe... it's just not my tribe. It doesn't need to say anything more than just that.